My ‘empty nest’

TALK of ‘ empty nesters’ (Femail) made me think of my own situation, an 80-year-old widow, my husband having died three years ago. I miss him dreadfully and would have him back in a heartbeat, but after 60 years of marriage (I met him a couple of weeks before my 16th birthday), I realise I’ve always put someone else first.

We had three children who all live close by and whom I see very often. After the initial shock of losing John, I realised I’ve never been able to please myself entirely, never been able to choose my meals, watch the TV I like, go to bed when I choose and get up as early as I want to.

We had a wonderful marriage, sharing many happy holidays and seeing the children settled, but I was never able to be as selfish as I can be now. If I choose not to cook and just eat a frozen meal, I can. I can watch TV programmes I knew John would hate — so I used to let him have his choice.

I have a fairly comfortable existence financially and if I want to buy something on impulse I don’t have to worry if he’d approve. I’ve re-decorated in my choice of colours (we always had different tastes on this) and I find I’m more independent and comfortable in my own company. I can play my music as loudly as I like, switch the TV off for hours at a time and no longer have to live by the clock.

Being self-indulgent is wonderful — but I’d still give it all up for one more cuddle from John.

Name and address supplied.