So what CAN the new plastic ‘indestructible’ fiver survive?

Answer: It’s almost as indomitable as the British bulldog who graces it ...

THE new ‘unrippable’ £5 note is supposedly ‘Cleaner, Safer, Stronger’ – or so the Bank of England claims. But I achieved the impossible yesterday by ripping the plastic fiver in half with my teeth.

But I couldn’t tear it with my hands and, before I ate the new note, I grew rather fond of it.

It does have an off-putting, shiny, smooth feel – not surprising since it is made of polymer, a type of thin, flexible plastic.

And if you place the notes together in a thick wad when it’s hot – as it was yesterday – they can be tricky to separate. Be careful at the cash till during the weekly shop! The Bank of England assures us the stickiness goes once the notes have been in circulation for a while.

But the 440 million new fivers which went into circulation yesterday could hardly be more patriotic. On one side, they feature Sir Winston Churchill, in full British bulldog mode in a famous 1941 photograph taken by Yousuf Karsh. Behind him are the Houses of Parliament, and below are his words, spoken in 1940: ‘I have nothing to offer but blood, toil, tears and sweat.’

Next to Winston, there is a window with pictures of the Queen and Elizabeth Tower, home to Big Ben. The Queen and her tower appear on the other side, too, next to a picture of the Bank of England and another portrait of the Queen.

The new notes are 15 per cent smaller than the paper notes they are replacing (the old ones stay legal tender until May 5), are thought to last two and a half times longer, and are more resistant to dirt and moisture. The thin, plastic film allows enhanced security measures to be incorporated, too – protecting against counterfeit, which costs the economy £30 million a year.

Bank of England governor Mark Carney says: ‘The use of polymer means it can better withstand being repeatedly folded into wallets or scrunched up inside pockets and can also survive a spin in the washing machine.’

Mr Carney, grinning in front of photographers yesterday, proved the note’s waterproof qualities by dipping a new fiver into a vat of curry at an East London food market. The note passed the curry test, but how would it fare in the punishing regime we put it through?

THE RIP TEST

I TUGGED the new fiver with both hands as hard as I could. From short end to short end, from long end to long end, I tried my hardest, but couldn’t stretch or tear it.

However, the moment I applied my teeth, it gave way in an instant, much like ripping an old plastic bag.

THE MONEY LAUNDERING TEST

THE new fiver passed this with flying colours. I crumpled it up, put it in the back pocket of my blue chinos, and set the washing machine on a three-hour, 60-degree wash. It came out, still crumpled, with no loss of colour, and a few drops of water on it.

These brushed away, leaving no residue, like water off a vinyl tablecloth. The creases in the fiver remained but the note unfurled itself much more than an old paper fiver would.

Next up, the dishwasher, On a 65C cycle, with plenty of rinse aid, it came out shining like the glasses and cups beside it.

THE HOT METAL TEST

FIRST, I ironed my chinos with the crumpled-up fiver still in the back pocket. It came out with deeply indented creases. I then ironed the note on its own – at top temperature and top steam level. The Bank of England doesn’t recommend this. It says the polymer banknotes may ‘begin to shrink and melt at temperatures above 120C, so they can be damaged by an iron, for example’. But my fiver survived the iron- ing board just fine – it looked as good as new, with all the creases eradicated by the iron.

THE FULL ENGLISH BREAKFAST TEST

I COATED the note in several dol- lops of thick ketchup, and then followed up with two heaped spoonfuls of grainy mustard. I left it to stand for five minutes.

Before you accuse me of defacing the currency – illegal under the Currency and Bank Notes Act 1928 – I then whipped it under the cold tap for a couple of seconds. It rinsed clean instantly, and dried fine too.

The Bank of England YouTube advert shows the fiver submerged beneath water, being inspected by a few curious goldfish, before coming out good as new. The Bank is as good as its word. My note was unchanged by its encounter with a Full English and a brief shower.

THE SUB-ZERO TEST

A COUPLE of hours in the bottom drawer of my freezer had absolutely no effect. Your currency will be fine on that once-in-a-lifetime trip to the Antarctic. I did have to brush away a few tiny shavings of freezer ice but, otherwise, it was the living incarnation of a crisp, new £5 note.

THE BAPTISM OF FIRE TEST

THE Bank of England was right about the new fiver’s difficulty with intense heat. In a 50C oven, it was fine, lying flat in a cooking dish for an hour.

But the moment I whacked up the heat to 250C, it didn’t stand a chance. It curled up to a tenth of its normal size, into an odd seahorse-shape.

It was still wrapped in the familiar blue and green colours, and I could even make out the ‘nothing’ of Churchill’s ‘I have nothing to offer but…’ speech. After ripping off the top surface, though, the note had melted into a greyish-white lump of plastic – hard but bendy, like the plastic of a mobile phone cover.

Then I went for the hardest test, setting fire to the note with a match. To begin with, it just curled away from the lit match, but then it took fire with a burst of orange flame. The note turned black and smoked, emitting that acrid smell of toasted plastic. Don’t try this at home.

After glowing red for several minutes, it stopped smoking and was reduced to a black-and-green halfinch square. A tiny button shape survived intact from the original note, showing the topmost pinnacle of Parliament’s Victoria Tower.

THE FOLDING TEST

THE new note is thin and flexible; it slips easily into your wallet or purse, and bends neatly. Try to fold it, though, and expect some resistance. You can fold it five times over but, on the sixth go, it was impossible to fold it completely. With the old notes, you could fold them six times relatively easily. Also, the new fiver doesn’t stay folded as easily as the old ones. It yearned to return to its original shape, while the old note barely unfolded at all of its own free will.

THE DOWN THE BACK OF THE SOFA TEST

THIS is the natural habitat for the long- lost fiver, crumpled and squashed between your cushions and the back of the sofa.

After several hours buried deep in my cream, three-person sofa, the note looked a little forlorn and battered. But once I laid it out on the kitchen table and hammered it flat with my fist, it resumed its normal shape, with only a few faint creases.