Ephraim Hardcastle
PRINCE William faces personal embarrassment in his quest to rid the Royal Collection of ivory. His grandmother, the Queen, is set to reward his wife, the Duchess of Cambridge, with the Royal Family Order for her impressive work representing the Family Firm. The insigna – there are only ten in existence – is a miniature painted on ivory from the Queen’s private collection. William has the consolation of knowing that, as the insigna is in the Queen’s gift, the awarding is never published and as a family matter is never commented on.
THERESA May took to the conference stage yesterday accompanied by the Rolling Stones’ upbeat 1981 hit Start Me Up. Presumably the band’s prune-faced frontman Sir Mick Jagger, 73, a Tory supporter, approved? He’s less happy about Donald Trump using the song, declaring that the group had ‘never given permission to the Trump campaign’ and called on the tycoon to ‘cease all use immediately’. Donald has carried on using the song regardless.
CLASSY sexpot Joanna Lumley, 70, pictured in her prime, has sparked a row after claiming women should treat wolf whistles as a compliment. She previously complained about the sexism she suffered as a model in the 1960s saying: ‘We were just dolly birds and we were treated like dirt. We were treated as if we were animals. Men had all the power and if they wanted you to feel small they would say things like, “Get back to the zoo. Come back when you’re not so ugly”.’ An admiring wolf whistle in Joanna’s direction was evidently always welcome, however!
CHARMLESS comedian John Cleese, 76, under fire for disparaging comments about ‘half-educated tenement Scots’, has already had a swipe at the Welsh, mocking Monty Python colleague Terry Jones, 74, now sadly diagnosed with dementia. The pompous old fool once observed: ‘Terry Jones is Welsh... and what Terry has never been able to accept is that the Welsh, a subject people, were put on earth to carry out menial tasks for the English.’
A ROYAL courtier, viewing The Crown, Netflix’s forthcoming biopic of the Queen, claims HM would disapprove heartily of Jared Harris playing her father, George VI. But the greatest royal ire is reserved for Prince Philip’s pocket handkerchief, worn in a foppish manner by actor Matt Smith. It would earn his valet a tongue-lashing. When Philip first entered royal life his valets thought the way he wore his handkerchief – always white, square and barely showing – frightfully common. Despite occasional efforts to change him over the intervening 70 years he has refused to change.
JEREMY Paxman’s memoir, A Life in Questions, is published today without the traditional launch party. The funeral-faced curmudgeon labels such events as ‘cynical’. How does Paxo, 66, describe the decision of his publisher, Harper-Collins, to reduce the tome’s £20 list price by nearly 60 per cent in an effort to make the bestseller list?