FROM POSH TO CHURCHILL’S GRANDSON, HOW HIS RAZOR-SHARP BARBS HIT HOME

VICTORIA BECKHAM

Former Spice Girl turned fashion designer ‘WE’VE upset Posh Spice. Quite a coup. Her hubby David Beckham put out a wishywashy statement backing Remain but Wiggy (Bank’s business associate) remembered how much mileage the Spice Girls made out of the Union Jack during their Cool Britannia days.

‘So he dredged up an interview Posh had given in 1996 saying: “The Euro bureaucrats are destroying every bit of national identity and individuality. We must keep our national individuality.”

‘We fired the quotes straight back at her, adding the caption: “Should have listened to the missus, David.”

‘Within minutes, her people were on to us, sniffing that we’d been twisting her views. They put out a statement accusing us of trying to put a spin on quotes made 20 years ago and saying she believes “in a future forher children where we are stronger together”.

‘Brooklyn and co [the Beckham children] are not exactly going to struggle for a crust or two, so I’m not sure why she’s dragged them into it. She’s threatening to sue. She can join the queue.’

CHRIS GRAYLING

Leave supporter and Leader of the house during the referendum campaign, now Transport Secretary ‘HE HAS the same effect on me as one of those Dementors from Harry Potter — I can feel all the life just draining right out of me. I did my level best not to show that being in his presence was easing me little by little into a mini-coma.’

NICHOLAS SOAMES

Conservative MP ‘THAT fat Tory foghorn has come out and said his grandfather Winston Churchill would have been appalled by the campaign to leave the EU. He’s been telling people his ancestor was “a profound believer in the values of European cooperation”.

‘What tosh. Soames is a pompous old bore whose blind Europhilia would make [EU chief] Juncker blush. The only thing he and his fine ancestor have in common is their waistline.’