The diary of an odd fish
QUESTION I’m trying to recall a very funny book I read in my youth. Similar to George Grossmith’s Diary Of A Nobody, it was the diary of a man who thought himself a proper Christian gent but was in fact a hypocritical, prudish middle-class snob. What might it have been? This is the work that Robert Robinson (of TV’s Call My Bluff fame, and a decent comic novelist himself) called ‘The funniest unknown book in the world’.
Augustus Carp, Esq., By himself: Being The Autobiography Of A Really Good Man, appeared in 1924, published anonymously, but now known to be the work of henry howarth Bashford (1880-1961).
London-born Bashford was a pillar of society, chief medical officer to the Post Office (1933–43) and subsequently Treasury medical adviser (1943–45). he was honorary physician to George Vi (1941–44) and was honoured with a knighthood of the Order of st John of Jerusalem.
One can only speculate what led him to write Augustus Carp. he published several books, both professional and literary, but nothing else suggests Carp’s unique genius. Carp is a model of unconscious hypocrisy; he imagines he behaves as a perfect Xtian (always so spelled) even while exploiting loved ones, blackmailing teachers, bringing suits for minor infractions and wrecking lives.
This gives a flavour: ‘From the time of his marriage to the day of my birth, and as soon thereafter as the doctor had permitted her to rise, my father had been in the habit of enabling my mother to provide him with an early cup of tea. And this he had done by waking her regularly a few minutes before six o’clock . . .’
The book fell out of print and was largely forgotten until rediscovered and championed by Anthony Burgess which led to its being republished in 1980. Burgess particularly loved the line (on whether to call his son Augustin or Augustus): ‘No it shall be ‘Tus’, i said. ‘Tus’ is better than ‘Tin’.
The names are a joy: we meet the hirsute Ezekiel stool, fishmonger Alexander Carkeek (‘a Northern Caledonian of the most offensive type’) and Rev Eugene Cake (author of improving fiction such as Gnashers Of Teeth and Without Are Dogs).
Roger Holroyd, Leominster, Herefordshire. QUESTION How many serving MPs have been assassinated? ThERE have been eight such assassinations in British parliamentary history. On May 11, 1812, Conservative Prime Minister spencer Perceval (1762-1812), MP for Northampton, was shot dead in the house of Commons lobby by John Bellingham. A debtor who had been imprisoned in Archangel, Russia, Bellingham was angry at the lack of assistance he had received from the Government. he was hanged on May 18, 1812, at Newgate Prison.
Lord Frederick Cavendish (1836-82), Liberal MP for the North West Riding of Yorkshire, was appointed Chief secretary for ireland on May 6, 1882. But later that same day, while walking in Phoenix Park with the Permanent Under- secretary Thomas henry Burke, he was stabbed to death by eight members of the irish National invincibles.
Field Marshal sir henry Wilson (18641922), one of the most senior Army officers of World War i, became Ulster Unionist MP for North Down and served as security adviser to the Northern ireland government. he was assassinated on his own doorstep by two iRA gunmen in 1922 while returning home from unveiling a war memorial at Liverpool street station.
Airey Neave (1916-79), the first British officer to escape successfully from Colditz PoW prison, became Conservative MP for Abingdon. The irish National Liberation Army (iNLA) claimed responsibility for his assassination by car bomb at the Palace of Westminster in 1979.
Methodist Minister and Ulster Unionist MP for Belfast south Rev Robert Jonathan Bradford (1941-1981) was shot dead by the iRA on November 14, 1981, in a community centre in Finaghy, Belfast, while hosting a political surgery.
sir Anthony George Berry (1925-84), former high sheriff of Glamorgan, became Conservative MP for Enfield southgate and a whip in Margaret Thatcher’s government. he died in the Brighton hotel bombing on October 12, 1984.
ian Gow (1937-90), Conservative MP for Eastbourne, was promoted to the front bench in 1978 to share the duties of Opposition spokesman on Northern ireland with Airey Neave. he was killed by an IRA car bomb at his home in East sussex on July 30, 1990.
Jo Cox (1974-2016) was the Labour MP for Batley and spen. On June 16, she died after being shot and stabbed multiple times in Birstall, where she was about to hold a constituency surgery. A 53-year-old man has been charged with her murder. Malcolm Ridgewell, Henlow, Beds. QUESTION Why do different guards’ regiments have different button patterns on their dress uniforms? FURTHER to the previous answer, the scots Guards may have been the first formed but not the oldest with continuous service. They were disbanded in 1650 and reformed in 1661. in 1650, a New Model Army was formed under General George Monck. For three weeks in 1659, they were stationed in Coldstream. in 1660, they marched to London to help restore order.
in 1661, they laid down their arms as a Parliamentary army and took them up again as a Crown force. Thus the Coldstream Guards are the longest continuous Guards and ‘second to None’.
Bernard Bond, Gillingham, Dorset. BEFORE the formation of the irish and Welsh Regiments, the Guards Brigade consisted of only three regiments. When formed in the order of battle, the senior regiment, the Grenadiers, would have been on the right (not the left), the scots in the centre and the Coldstreams on the left. This is in line with the Coldstream’s motto, ‘second to None’.
To exercise overall control, the officer commanding the brigade would have taken post at the rear centre where he was looking at the backs of a large body of men all dressed in similar uniforms and would have been unable to identify the junctions between his regiments. This explains the reason for, and the practicality of, the plumes.
The regiment to his front wore no plumes at all. To his right the Grenadiers would be clearly identified by the white plumes worn on the left of their bearskin caps. To his left the Coldstream would have stood out with their red plume worn on the right. Jack Morris, Lancashire.
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