Don’t relax Theresa... just do it!

THE Prime Minister reclines on a burgundy sofa, looking for all the world like the cat who got the cream. She’s ‘ kicked off her trademark kitten heels’ and is kitted out in a coffee-coloured cashmere jumper, leather trousers and posh trainers.

Her fashionable ‘cowl-neck’ top and ‘desert boot cut’ trousers come from Amanda Wakeley and cost £495 and £995 respectively. Amanda Wakeley is, apparently, ‘a fave with Kate Middleton’. The shoes are Burberry, yours for a very reasonable £295.

Meet the new, soft focus Mother Theresa. The look she’s aiming for is ‘flirty and fun’, we are told. The leather strides ‘ assert fashion prowess — but in brown instead of black to avoid suggesting sex appeal’.

Thank goodness for that. Presumably, if ‘sexy’ was what she was after she’d have been photographed in a leather basque, red lacy knickers, suspenders and fishnet stockings, perhaps with a riding crop between her teeth. Theresa is posing in the flat at No 10 downing Street, to illustrate an in-depth magazine interview intended to reveal the real woman behind her ‘buttoned-up’ public image.

I’m assuming she got a generous discount on all this fancy clobber. Blowing the thick end of 500 quid on a woolly, a grand on trousers and 300 smackeroonies on a pair of plimsolls is hardly the most sensible way to appeal to the ‘Jams’ — Mrs May’s name for the Just About Managing classes.

The photograph is a symphony in product placement, from the £42 Luxury diptyque rose-scented candle from Selfridges to the Zachary chrome table tamp, which will set you back £100 at John Lewis and is, we are reliably informed, ‘totally on-trend’.

OK, So it’s easy to mock. But somebody’s got to do it. There’s an obvious cynicism about this stage-managed montage, right down to the £25 Revitalise Me scent diffuser and sticks by Elemis. The Theresa May relaxing in designer threads is a far cry from the down-to- earth woman seen hiking with her husband during the summer, dressed in his ’ n’ hers cagoules like Howard and Hilda from Ever decreasing Circles.

She denies employing a stylist and — in the best line from the interview — reveals that she depends on her husband Philip’s advice when she goes fashion shopping.

Philip is apparently very patient while his wife is trying on clothes and reliable when it comes to giving the thumbs-up or the thumbsdown. Really?

Try to imagine him answering ‘yes’ when the Prime Minister asks: ‘does my bum look big in this?’ A night in the spare room, guaranteed.

And his expertise extends beyond frocks, tops and leather strides. ‘He’s good at accessories, too, particularly good at choosing handbags and bracelets and good at flowers.’

Poor old Phil will never live it down. Next time he turns up at his merchant bank, he shouldn’t be surprised if his sarcastic colleagues come over all Lady Bracknell. A hand- bag? Mrs May is careful to assure us she doesn’t have much time for ‘chillaxing’ Call Me dave- style. But after closing her red boxes for the night, she and Philip like to unwind in front of a box-set of the American crime show NCIS. funny, I’d have marked her down as more of a Midsomer Murders kind of gal.

If everything we’ve been told about Theresa is true, then even her taste in TV programmes will have been determined after extensive scrutiny. She is said to exhaust every permutation and examine every possible consequence before reaching any kind of decision. That might explain why she’s taking so long about Brexit — which, she claims, keeps her awake at night. Well, that’s good to know. It’s five months since Britain voted conclusively to leave the EU. Yet despite promising ‘Brexit means Brexit’, there’s been no visible movement towards achieving that goal. far from showing any sense of urgency, May has allowed those who are hell-bent on sabotaging the process to make all the running.

obviously, she doesn’t want to reveal her negotiating hand, but all we ever hear is how difficult it is going to be to secure the right deal.

I’m sure she doesn’t need reminding that the only reason she’s Prime Minister is because of the fall-out from the Brexit earthquake.

She’s a lucky bunny, especially given that she spent most of the campaign hiding behind the sofa and was on the losing side.

BUT far from putting Brexit at the top of her agenda, she’s been behaving as if she won a General Election. Policies contained in the last Tory manifesto have been jettisoned and others introduced.

She appointed a fellow Remainer, Philip Hammond, as Chancellor, even though he thought our economic future would be better off within the EU.

Judging by his Autumn Statement, the fears of those of us who think we can’t depend on May and Hammond delivering a clean break may be justified.

The essentially positive reaction to his budget measures baffled me. Here was a Conservative Chancellor targeting key Tory voters — pensioners, people who have invested in buy-to-let, and the selfemployed. Not to mention letting rip the nation’s crippling debt and adopting Labour policy on executive pay restraint.

The greed of some fat-cats is an undeniable disgrace, but since when has it been Tory policy to interfere in the salary structures of private companies?

despite the inevitable stories from the Boys In The Bubble about ‘tensions’ between No 10 and No 11, Mother Theresa must have signed off on the statement. Meanwhile, the pair of them seem to take an inordinate delight in belittling Boris Johnson, who led the Leave campaign, at every opportunity.

Parallels have been drawn between Brexit and donald Trump’s victory in the States. The difference is: Trump really is setting about draining the swamp in Washington, as he puts it, and ushering in a new order.

In Britain, the losers are still in the driving seat. With the notable exceptions of Call Me dave and Boy George, the political establishment holds sway. As Nigel farage pointed out last week, all they’ve done is rearrange some of the deckchairs.

Mrs May might be mistress of all she surveys right now, but she’s there on trust.

And, judging by her interview at the weekend — which bordered on hubris — for a woman who claims that Brexit keeps her awake at night, she does seem to be enjoying herself rather more than is seemly.