Can YOU tell who’s the mother and who’s the daughter?
It’s so hard – because these over-50 mums use every trick to defy ageing while stress is already taking its toll on their daughters
THE family resemblance is striking: Sophie and Amanda share the same blonde hair, dazzling smiles and flawless skin. Even the most scrupulous observer would imagine there was little difference in their ages. Sisters you would think.
Hazard a guess at how old they are and you’d probably conclude they were both in their 30s.
And you’d be right on one count. Sophie Anderson is 33. Married and mum to a fiveyear- old daughter, she is seven months pregnant and works full-time in a demanding job while managing the competing demands of home, husband and family.
Contrary to appearances however Amanda — who also has a full-time career, and has raised three children — hasn’t seen her 30s for some time. She’s not Sophie’s older sibling but her 53-year-old mother.
Welcome to the era of the age- defying mid-lifers. We’re now witnessing the inescapable rise of the Sister Mothers, so- called because they look more like siblings than mother and daughter.
‘Mum is my idol and role model,’ says Sophie. ‘Even as a child my friends knew her as the glamorous mum. It’s no surprise that today she is frequently mistaken for my sister.’
How is it that a generation of thirtysomethings are now being out-shone by attractive mums who, a generation ago, would have retreated to the slippered comfort of home and embraced a grey perm and elasticated slacks once they hit the menopause? Sophie, a training manager, has her own theories about why her mother has aged so gracefully.
‘Mum’s generation has definitely had things easier than mine,’ she says. ‘Today we’re expected to run a home, nurture a career and children. I envy Mum. She’s always had a good work/life balance. She’s always managed to
look fabulous, whereas I barely get time to apply make-up nowadays.
‘We’re the generation that has been told we can have it all, a career and a family.
‘But instead of being liberating it’s actually incredibly difficult to manage, and results in the feeling that you’re never carrying out any role well — mother, wife or employee. Your appearance is the first thing you sacrifice.
‘My skincare routine, if I’m lucky, involves a 30-second session with a face wipe once a day. And there just aren’t enough hours in the day to go to the gym. A weekend family walk is the only exercise I get.’
Although her mum Amanda Garrington, operations manager at a further education college, has had a busy and challenging life, too, she never worked the long hours her daughter does, and always made sure she had time for pleasure.
MARRIEDto Joe, 62, she lives in Derbyshire and, having raised three children — Sophie, Scott, 30 and Frances, 27 — she now has four grandchildren. ‘Sophie’s generation has a different work ethic from mine,’ says Amanda. ‘ The pressure on the workforce today is immense and means you are contactable round-the-clock.’
‘She’s always catching up on work emails in the evenings when she should be relaxing, and rarely gets enough sleep or “time out”,
‘My motto, in contrast, has always been: everything in moderation. I eat healthily, I exercise moderately, I enjoy the sunshine. To relieve stress I like to visit spas and take long walks in the Peak District.
‘I’ve always cooked wholesome food from scratch and I drink at least three litres of water a day. I can see the beneficial effects on my body both mentally and physically.
‘My husband and I enjoy regular holidays and even though I also work fulltime and am a hands-on granny, I do pamper myself with bubble baths, body exfoliation and weekly face masks. That’s something Sophie simply does not find the time to do.
‘I’m constantly reminded of the huge stress she’s under and that has an enormous impact on the body and immediately shows up in one’s face. I do worry about her.’
Ah, the ageing effects of stress. Industrial psychologist Dr Joan Harvey has carried out studies into its management and concludes: ‘ Women in their 30s today are enduring a different kind of stress from their mothers; an incendiary concoction of conflicting responsibilities combined with too much pressure.
‘It often starts with a long and fractious commute into work — with rising house prices, how many young couples can afford to live in London or our major cities today? And that means a ridiculously early start.
‘These young women probably kick- start their systems with caffeine, often neglect nutrition and unwind with a drink at the end of an exhausting day.
‘Getting home in time to see the children piles on more pressure. The cumulative effect of all these tensions shows in the face.’
Meanwhile Dr Harvey points out that as women age, financial responsibilities also lessen — mortgages are paid off and children become independent.
‘There is not the same compulsion to achieve in your career once you pass 50 or 60,’ says Dr Harvey. ‘Your attitude to earning money is more relaxed, so you’re happier. All that has a beneficial effect on your looks.’
Clinical psychologist Linda Blair agrees: ‘Stress shoots cortisol and adrenaline into the system which, in turn, increases our blood pressure and heart rate. When a person’s body is pressured to its utmost like this, their tension masks any youthful glow.
‘Sleep deprivation is another insidious pressure on the young, and it’s worsened