Steamy sex? I’ve dry cleaning to pick up

SUNDAY night sees the start of the muchtrailed new BBC thriller Apple Tree Yard, starring Emily Watson, 50, as a middle-aged woman whose sexual reawakening leads her down a dark path.

Interviewed about the role, Watson has spoken of empowerment, liberation and, inevitably, a victory for feminism.

There’s just one problem: none of it rings true. Whenever I get together with my 50-ish friends, the last thing on our minds is sex. And, trust me, we are anything but prudes. But this idea that we are all laying out the silk undies in anticipation of some thrilling tryst is, to put it mildly, absurd.

It’s not that we hate sex. It’s just that women my age are far too busy juggling children, jobs and HRT to be flirting like 20-year-olds.

It is literally the last thing on the to-do list, somewhere between collecting the dry cleaning and booking the kids’ dental check-ups.

Even if I did have a spare hour, I’d rather spend it having a power nap than playing tonsil hockey.

As for the feminist angle, that’s nonsense, too. All this cougar-chic is just another pressure to pile on top of the others.

Bad enough to have to be the perfect wife, mother, employee, cook, cleaner, daughter, sister, best friend and perfect size 10.

Now we’ve got to find time to add ‘sex kitten’ to our list of post-50 goals.

God help us!