Unfaithful ex broke my heart --now I’m the cheat

your partner, but like him as much as ever, as well as feeling anguish at the thought of telling him that the relationship is over. That is how your situation reads to me — and that’s why your lover has been able to fill the void.

An easy piece of advice would be to get away and be alone to think this through. But you work, so that’s probably impossible.

I could also suggest you make an appointment with Relate or a private counsellor, to talk the issues through in front of a trained third party.

Neither of your men needs know about the appointment; it’s about clarifying your thoughts — and would do you good, although I must say I admire the clear way you set out your dilemma in your letter.

Maybe you should try to act on both suggestions. Perhaps a weekend away with your best friend might be timely, followed by the counselling appointment.

My gut feeling says you desperately want to pursue a longterm relationship with your lover. Does he feel the same?

If he is ready to be with you in the way you imagine, and you think of him every night, then you have to tell your partner. No choice. You cannot go on lying to him with every waking breath, nor stay with him out of pity.

It will do you no good to continue to think of yourself as a liar and a cheat.

No life can sustain such guilt, deceit and negativity.

Were you married with children you would have every reason to struggle on, but that’s not the case. It’s time to be honest.

Lives of great men all remind us We can make our lives sublime, And, departing, leave behind us, Footprint son the sands of time. H.W. Longfellow (American poet, 1807–1882)