Why do modern brides insist on weddings so lavish they leave guests broke?
Exotic destinations. Extravagant gift demands. No wonder some friends are still paying off the debt after the marriage is over!
Khosla, managing director of V Events, who organises dozens of weddings a year, says the majority of her clients ask for money, often as a contribution towards their honeymoon costs.
‘Gift lists are definitely becoming a more dated way of giving,’ says Venetia. ‘ Many of my clients now include poems or letters in the invitations, asking for monetary donations.’
As a veteran wedding guest, Suzie Parkus has certainly seen this for herself.
‘Very often, you will find a sugary note included with the invitation to say they don’t have a gift list, but a monetary present to build up their savings or to go towards the cost of their honeymoon would be much appreciated,’ she says.
‘This means writing a cheque or slipping in a bunch of notes with the wedding card, which is both exposing and pressurised.
‘It can leave you under pressure to give the right amount.’
When it comes to how much to give, a recent study revealed that newlyweds could expect to receive £65 from their best friends, £80 from grandparents and as little as £22 from a next- door neighbour. Anne-Marie Jenkins, managing director of weddingshop.com, who conducted the study, agrees that giving cash as a gift can be tricky.
‘The majority of guests want to spend enough money to look generous, but they don’t always have the funds available,’ she says.
‘When a couple asks for money instead of a gift, it’s often perceived that this will be an easier option for guests struggling to decide what to buy. However, this can make it even harder because they’re forced to divulge exactly how much they are spending.’
TO rub salt in the wound, the wedding gift is usually the final in a long line of expenditure when it comes to helping the happy couple mark the occasion.
often, the celebrations kick off with an engagement party and hen and stag dos will most definitely be de rigueur.
Traditionally, these were no more than a meal out or a few drinks in a pub, but today they are far more likely to be expensive, weekendlong affairs — and they’re often held abroad. As a result, the average cost of attending a hen do has spiralled to £356 each, with men spending an eye-popping £750 per person.
Indeed, an entire industry has sprung up around hen and stag parties, with companies offering activities ranging from cupcakemaking in the Cotswolds to booze cruises in bulgaria.
Five years ago, Stephanie Davies, 37, a company director from Surrey, was a bridesmaid at the wedding of an old school friend who insisted that her hen do had to be held in the Spanish resort of Marbella.
‘It cost £600 for the flights and accommodation for four days in Marbella. I had to leave a day early to get back to work, so I had to pay for the taxi transfer back to the airport myself, which cost another £60,’ says Stephanie.
‘but there was an expectation I should be happy to shell out.’
Jade beer, editor of brides magazine, says that hen dos are the second most searched for area on their website.
‘When we surveyed readers last year asking what they wanted more of, 65 per cent said: “original hen do ideas”.
‘I’ve heard of hens flying to LA for the weekend or renting huge country piles in the UK and then staffing them with chefs, personal trainers and waiting staff.
‘It’s the one time in a bride’s life where the focus is squarely on her and what she wants. Frankly, it’s a brave friend who questions that.’
Certainly, Stephanie wasn’t brave enough to question her friend’s demands. ‘The bride paid for my bridesmaid dress, but I had to pay for all the alterations myself.
‘She also said we must have our nails painted and sent us pictures of how she wanted our hair and make-up to look, expecting us to pay to have everything done professionally,’ she adds. ‘I put my foot down and did my hair and make-up myself, although she insisted I send her a trial photo beforehand to check that it was good enough.’
Stephanie, who recently got married herself, was adamant she and groom Nick would have no bridesmaids or gift list at all.
‘A wedding shouldn’t be about filling your pockets or expecting others to stump up cash or time for your big event,’ she says.
‘If you want people to be at your wedding, then you have to be considerate of them.’
budding bridezillas, take note.