Hancock’s naked surprise

TONY HANCOCK, the biggest TV and radio star of the Fifties and Sixties, escaped from a drying out clinic in Brighton and turned up at Dorothy’s Bexley home seeking sanctuary.

He was accompanied by Joan, the third wife of John Le Mesurier (Sergeant Wilson of Dad’s Army fame) with whom, it transpired, he’d been having an affair.

Tony was in a terrible state; he had the shakes and his body was covered with scabs.

Dorothy, taking pity on him, told him he could stay until he could sort himself out and made up a bed in the library — big mistake — he drank a bottle of scotch and half a bottle of gin that had been inadvertently left there.

The next morning Dot was awoken by the apparition of a naked Tony Hancock, hovering next to her bed, his ample appendage dangling far too close for comfort in front of her eyes.

The unshockable Dorothy batted it away, said ‘get that out of my face’ and accepted the tea he was offering with grace.

Then, seeing the humour in the situation, she quipped: ‘Who’s your tailor?’

Next day, John Le Mesurier phoned in agitation, wanting to know if it was true that his wife was with Hancock, and what Dorothy thought he should do about it.

‘Why are you asking me?’ she told him. ‘I’ve really f****d up my life good and proper.’

As an afterthought she added: ‘Put a new song in your act.’ Then she put the phone down.