Admiral Howard was on the South Coast, polishing his cutlass
THERE was no sign of Admiral Howard of Lympne’s smokestack on the horizon in the Lords when peers briefly discussed Spain’s designs on Gibraltar. Former Tory leader Lord Howard sent a jolt of snuff up the nation’s nostrils on Sunday by suggesting Theresa May could send a Falklands-style task force to Gib’, should Madrid play silly-beggars once we leave the EU. Sounded possible to me. Any Tory prime minister who lost the Rock would swiftly be toppled.
Lefties were horrified by Lord Howard’s salty talk. Yesterday afternoon Lord Collins (Lab) accused him of ‘gunboat diplomacy’. It was ‘unhelpful’, said Lord Collins. ‘Unhelpful’ is a word this prize, yet now there was all this elite uses when assuming superior talk about conflict, boo hoo. The airs. ‘Disappointing’ is another. EU’s peace prize? Would that They have found the whole Brexit have been for its achievements business deeply ‘unhelpful’ and in Ukraine?
The Foreign Office’s Joyce ‘disappointing’. We, the people,
Anelay had the helm at the have let them down. Government despatch box, sway
As I say, Lord Howard was not in ing slightly on the swell. Westminster waters. Presumably Lady Anelay, who may use the he was at home on the South same hairdresser as the Bay City Coast, polishing his cutlass and Rollers, is very much one of life’s bidding stoical farewell to his Joyces: that is to say, she is weepy wench before hopping sensible, firm, a touch matronly, aboard the nearest man o’ war, a not to be taken for a fool. copy of G.A. Henty’s novel ‘Held Having heard Lady Northover’s Fast for England’ under his arm. dribbly demands that the GovernSet course for the Pillars of ment ‘distance itself’ from Lord Hercules, Mr Bosun! Howard’s swashbuckling, Lady
Lady Northover, a damp, faintly Anelay summoned an ‘oh do grow silly creature on the Lib Dem up’ expression to her face and benches, raised Gibraltar by replied: ‘We do still have freedom means of a Private Notice Quesof expression in this country. Long tion. She twittered on about the may that continue.’ Government not mentioning Gib’ There came a ‘pah!’ as she spat a in its Article 50 letter to the EU chewed bullet of dried seagull last week. She also noted that the meat from a corner of her mouth. EU had won the Nobel peace Lord Garel- Jones (Con) rose to make equivocal remarks about ‘this dreadful deadlock’ we have with Spain over Gibraltar.
ONLYa long- standing Hispanophile such as Lord G- J could be so sympathetic to the Latins’ side of the argument, perhaps. The register of peers’ interests informs us that Lord Garel-Jones is a board member of Banco Santander Espana and chairman of a second bank, UBS Latin America.
He also decorates the international advisory board of Everis (Spain), a consultancy firm.
Lord Foulkes (Lab), that old fool caught snoozing in the Chamber by the BBC’s documentary film crew, launched into a question with the premise ‘if Brexit goes ahead …’. Does he think it will not? He, too, wanted to know why Gibraltar was not mentioned in the Government’s Article 50 letter. Lord Forsyth (Con) suspected that the Government had not done so because Gibraltar is no earthly business of the EU. To have included it in the letter might have suggested the opposite.
And we heard from Lord Hannay (Crossbencher), most silken of pro-EU matelots. The tip of his nose actually twitched – with pleasure? – as he smoothly asserted that Spain was ‘ in a strong position now’. G.A. Henty would have enjoyed writing about a smarmer such as Hannay.
Lady Anelay, her ‘Joyce’ indicator turned to maximum, said that Gibraltar’s position was as secure today as it was before the EU referendum.
We will conclude merely by noting that, moments earlier, the House heard of delays to the next generation of Royal Navy frigates. All concerned with that project might want to get a ruddy move on.