My struggle to bond with my premature C-section baby, by Radio 5 host
‘I felt completely detached from him’
WHEN her baby son was rushed away by doctors moments after he was born three months early, Rachel Burden had no choice but to let him go.
But the BBC presenter has told how being parted from her child so soon after his birth left her struggling to bond with him.
Miss Burden, who co-hosts the Radio 5 Live breakfast show, did not get to hold Henry, who weighed just 3lb, for the first two or three days of his life as he was treated in an incubator in intensive care.
She recalled feeling ‘completely detached’ at first and did not feel the same immediate ‘rush of love’ she had experienced with her three other children.
Miss Burden, 42, also spoke of the ‘emotional and physical trauma’ of having a caesarean delivery and said it was a misconception that it is easier than a natural birth.
Her drama with Henry began when she went for a check-up at Wythenshawe Hospital in Manchester and doctors found she had the life-threatening condition preeclampsia. Miss Burden, who lives in Cheshire, was told her son would need to be delivered early and was taken to Burnley General Hospital two hours away, the clos- est unit that could accommodate a premature baby.
Speaking of the aftermath of her C-section, she said: ‘I felt protective towards Henry but completely detached from him.
‘I remember seeing this tiny purple scrap of a creature shown to me very briefly, and then thrust into a plastic container and all the doctors swarming over him – and thinking, “My God, that’s my baby. He looked a bit funny”.
‘I didn’t really feel love for this scrawny creature. I only felt relief that he was breathing, and anxi- ety that he was now out there on his own far earlier than he should have been.’
She did not see Henry until the day after he was born and was shocked by all the wires and tubes needed to help him. But when she was finally able to hold him, the feeling was ‘incredible’ and it was then that she started to bond with her new baby.
She said: ‘I tucked him down my top. I remember thinking he was incredibly fragile and I wasn’t quite sure how to hold him. But it was amazing. As soon as I had him on my skin, that was the pivotal moment.
‘It is really primal – that transference of heat from a tiny baby to your skin. That’s where the rush of love began and it mushroomed from there.
‘Days two to four were really crucial as I became more directly involved in his care.
‘Although I still felt a degree of detachment, the love began to really grow.’
Miss Burden believes the delayed bond was as much because of the C-section as it was because Henry was so premature.
Her other children were born naturally and she said this helped form an immediate bond.
She added: ‘There’s this idea that a C-section is the easy option, and it’s not remotely the easy option. I admire women who go through it in even the most normal of circumstances. ‘Afterwards I felt like I’d never be the same again physically. I had no idea how I’d be able to sneeze, cough, stand up, pee on my own again – let alone care for a baby. I found it physically traumatic and emotionally traumatic as well.’ Henry recovered quickly, and Miss Burden said she felt lucky as he had no major health problems and was simply ‘very, very tiny’. Now 14 months, he is ‘ very happy’ and ‘really solid, sturdy and incredibly greedy’, she said, adding: ‘Now I love him more than I can bear.’ Miss Burden, who co-hosts Radio 5 Live’s Breakfast with Nicky Campbell, will be broadcasting live from Burnley General Hospital on Radio 5 live on Tuesday.