Westminster Wars

KAREN DANCZUK, famous for her provocative selfies, wants to be an MP. Perhaps someone should tell the curvaceous one that having a huge cleavage can’t make you a political heavyweight. Even in the whips’ office.

THERESA MAY uttered her ‘strong and stable’ mantra 12 times during PMQs, it has been repeated hundreds of times by her team — and the campaign hasn’t even begun. Perhaps she can put in her manifesto that after June 8 it will be a criminal offence to utter those words, or other political inanities such as ‘ from today, going forward’ (as if we could go back in time); ‘at the end of the day’ (it will be the end for Labour); and ‘ hardworking families’ (aren’t they all?).

THE world’s last male white rhino has joined Tinder to find a suitable companion. ‘Lonely, hefty, nearly extinct male seeks mature mate.’ Has anyone told Diane Abbott?