My creepy friend keeps copying me

NATURALLY, I wouldn’t dream of calling anybody ‘mentally unstable’ when (first) I have never met them and (second) the circumstances described seem rather petty. Let me quickly add that I can easily see why this friend’s behaviour has irritated you — then cut you to the heart. But you say you are ‘not going to hold any grudges’ when your email seems to indicate on-going resentment, and that forgiveness is not so easy.

I think you should examine those feelings before you finally decide to ditch a long friendship.

You say nothing about how you met this lady, but I imagine she has always felt in your shadow. Perhaps you should look back to the early days to see any pattern. Did she feel that the glory of her wedding day would be lessened by following after that of her friend? It sounds like it.

They say imitation is the sincerest form of flattery, and it’s clear this couple admire your impeccable taste. But, yes, it is rather odd to copy so slavishly, and indicates people with little confidence in their own judgment.

I know of others intimidated by interior design who confess they have no ideas. Is she like that? If so, it is no crime to copy, and a sensible response might be to make a little joke of it. But not at her expense, because that could be very hurtful.

Sometimes people copy because they are a little jealous and wish they had the Other Life that they view as superior to their own. There might even be a reason to feel sympathy here.

I’d also be interested to know what your husbands think of the bust-up. After all, there are four people in this friendship, but your narrative is only about the women. Is that fair? What if your husband (not to mention hers) still wants them in his life? Might you swallow your anger and hurt and start talking to her again?

Now to the pet name. I agree it was insensitive to pick the family name of your late father. Of course, there’s no copyright on names, but there is such a thing as tact — totally lacking here. In my view, her defensiveness showed she knew she’d done something wrong.

You no longer want her in your life — so what do you want me to say?

But before you write her off, perhaps you should talk to your husband and ask him to speak to hers.

You might take several deep breaths and try to see her choice of your beloved Dad’s pet name as touching rather than cruel. A stretch, I know, but since your respective godchildren are also in the picture here, wouldn’t it be good to try?