Will I be happy if I uproot my family and move back to London?

To BEGIN at your ending, surely this huge decision is not yours to make?

You’ve both created a life and a child, now three. Your dilemma — London v Wales — is one that can only be solved by the two of you weighing up the alternatives.

Your letter makes it quite clear you never truly settled and right from the beginning kept the door open for a move back. Not the most auspicious start to a new life.

Nobody can blame you, as the contrast between London and Wales ( are you in the country?) is pretty significant.

But it bothers me that you were only partially ‘present’ in a life which many women might have found blessed: loving man, beautiful home, new job in a pleasant environment . . . and then a daughter. Did your partner realise that right from the beginning you had your eye on the door marked ‘Exit’?

You have been ill and depressed, so it’s hardly surprising you miss family and old friends even more.

Have you had counselling to try to sort out these negative feelings? Have you talked to those people who mean so much to you, to discover their views on your moving back to London?

Given the problems of finding well-paid jobs and buying property in the prohibitively expensive capital, as well as moving your child to an environment that might well be far less congenial, they might advise against a move. You and the man you chose to spend your life with have much to discuss.

When I have a big decision to make, I use the time-honoured method of dividing a page of

notepaper down the middle and listing all the arguments, for and against, on each side of the line. You need to do this together without delay.

You should also research alternative jobs in Wales — and in London. You’re shy and don’t make friends easily, but please know that as soon as your daughter starts pre and primary school, you will meet other parents. A whole new world should open up.

You could move back to London and find your ‘dream’ becomes a nightmare.

To ensure the stability of your relationship and your child’s well- being, I’d stop dreaming and sit down with your man, patiently working things though. Thinking ‘ what if?’ is an aspect of life which we all have to accept, and ‘ happiness’ is

never a given. It has to be worked at, eyes wide open — and the shortfalls accepted and overcome.