The one lesson I’ve learned from life

Sophie Ellis-Bextor

Singer Sophie ellis-Bextor, 38, has released six albums. She is married to the Feeling bassist richard Jones, and has four sons, Sonny, 13, Kit, eight, ray, five, and Jesse, 17 months. her mother is former Blue peter presenter (and inspire columnist) Janet ellis.

GO WITH YOUR GUT — IT’S ALWAYS RIGHT

Growing up, whenever i had a dilemma about the right thing to do, my mum always said: ‘what was your first reaction when you heard the news? Then go with that.’

Certainly in life, whenever i’ve gone with my gut, i’m more at peace and resolved about the outcome.

when i got pregnant, richard and i had been dating for six weeks. we were both 24. i called my mum and she said something to me that i clung on to.

She said: ‘it may not be the right time. it might not be the right man. But it’s the right baby.’ And i think that gave richard and i permission to be a new couple, and be excited about our baby. i’d left home at 18 and was bringing out my second album, so i had my own place. But richard was a session musician living in shared accommodation with his mates from uni.

Throughout my pregnancy, i sensed something was wrong (intuition again!). At 31 weeks, i was diagnosed with preeclampsia and had to have an emergency caesarean. Sonny was born at 32 weeks, weighing 3lb 8oz. it was a scary time. But richard and i got through it.

Five years later, our second baby, Kit, was also born premature. The preeclampsia had recurred. He weighed 2lb 6oz. For the first week of his life, i couldn’t hold him. we’ve had a lot of external drama over the years. And i think it makes you deal with it better if you’re good at communicating.

i had my kids young. now i’m 38 a lot of my girlfriends are becoming first-time parents. we’re further down the line.

For our ten-year anniversary richard gave me a locket with a picture from our wedding in it. And i was like: ‘oh i thought it would be a picture of the kids.’ And he replied: ‘not everything is all about them, you know. Sometimes it’s oK for us to have our own thing.’ And i thought: ‘That’s really true.’

Sophie ellis-bextor is an ambassador for the pampers preemie protection range for premature babies.