One woman is ruining our bowls game

DEAR BEL,

HOW on Earth do we deal with an elderly lady with dementia who insists on consistently turning up and playing crown green bowls at our local club?

At over 80, she seems to have forgotten the rules of the game and doesn’t have the strength to bowl long enough, thus blocking the way for people who can reach the jack. We all groan when she turns up because it ruins the game for everyone else.

We have a player with Parkinson’s disease and another who has suffered a couple of strokes, so we are not uncaring or unsupportive of those with disabilities.

At the moment we are struggling to keep membership up, but people are dropping out because of this one lady. Please advise us what we should do.

DEIRDRE

YOU signed off your short email with that pleasant, old- fashioned phrase, ‘ Kindest regards’ and inevitably I shall use that as my springboard. When I first read of your dilemma, I thought for a moment or two it might not be ‘real’ — in that it’s quite unusual and so might have been a tease. But then I realised that it is very real and admirably honest, raising an important issue for the column.

Although my dear grandfather was once a bowls club groundsman and loved the odd game, too, I have no idea of the rules, or how long a game takes. But the frustration evident in your letter needs no explanation.

The members of your club are entitled to enjoy the game to the fullest extent of their ability and so it must be very frustrating when this lady turns up and ‘ ruins’ things. Nobody would like that — even though virtuous readers might pretend they would not mind. Older people can be frustrating, with or without dementia. It is only human to become impatient when people are slow, repeat themselves, express ancient prejudices, and so on.

Nevertheless, those of us who are younger can address impatience by reflecting that we will probably be like that only too soon. And what will we want at that point? People to be kind to us, of course.

I’m wondering if two or three of you could get together and decide on a strategy that will enable this lady to have some fun while, at the same time, not spoiling yours.

Obviously, it’s not good for her just to turn up and (frankly) get in the way, so I suggest her time at the club needs to be carefully organised.

Does she have a particular friend? If not, one decisive person (perhaps it will be you, Deirdre, storing up good karma) could suggest to her that she will be collected from home once a week and brought to the club for a ‘special game’.

Since she has dementia, she won’t necessarily remember this is going to happen, so a certain amount of repetition will be inevitable. Arranging shortish times when some of you can make the effort to play with her will surely not be too burdensome.

You could look on it as a opportunity to practise your swings. But if she arrives unannounced, then I think you should draw up a rota for taking her inside for a cup of tea and to look at old club photographs (surely there must be some?). Then, when the match is over, tell her it’s time for

match, and play for a while, according to her ability.

It will take charm and determination from two, three or perhaps four of you, but I hope you could make it work for the benefit of the other club members and for the sake of kindness.