Why we all should learn to be alone

WHEN my husband is away, I catch up on TV he’d never watch. Together we choose programmes we both love — anything from Victoria and Vera to arts documentaries on BBC4.

But in his absence I decided to try Channel 4’s popular The Undateables, which made its debut back in April 2012, returning every year since. The programme meets single people with learning difficulties or disabilities as they go on dates. Monday ’ s programme introduced us to Jason, Souleyman and Charley on their quest for love. Jason is a plane-spotting geek with Asperger’s syndrome. Charley is in a wheelchair, with tattoos and piercings, a divine smile and a wish to go on her first date with a woman. Souleyman is a handsome athlete rapidly losing his sight owing to a rare condition.

You quickly become involved with these very real people and feel anguish at the thought of them being disappointed or hurt.

Obviously, you have to tolerate the artificiality (were they really not briefed in advance of the filmed date?), but I found the programme touching. It reminds us all of the rich variety of humanity and all it has to offer.

Each candidate was in touch with a date ‘fixer’ — the old-fashioned marriage/relationship bureaux still have a role in our internet-dominated society!

But something two of those match-making ladies said made me think. The statement ‘everybody wants somebody to love’ came close to the sense that everybody has the to a relationship.

Over the years, I’ve replied to many letters from lonely people longing for a partner. Internet dating? Join a club or class or group and meet people? It can all work. Or (sadly) not. For no matter how often the sweet people on The Undateables talk of wanting The One, I simply don’t believe in that concept.

Sometimes the first step on the path to relating to others is (strangely) to decide you like being alone and want truly to know yourself.