Make sure you have the power to help a loved one
I wonder if, like me, most people are unaware how little say they have in loved ones’ lives without power of attorney (the legal document that allows someone to make decisions for you if you are no longer able or want to do so yourself). My mother, Lillian Bennett, was admitted to hospital for a hip replacement after a fall caused a fracture that had not been spotted by the hospital six weeks earlier. when she arrive at the hospital in agony, I was asked whether I had power of attorney — not something we had ever considered, because she had no property, still had all her faculties and it can be expensive. At one time, they would have just had a discreet chat with me about the risks of surgery. Instead, my frail, but normally feisty, mother was told in great detail about all the things that might go wrong, i.e. she might die on the operating table, she could get an infection — a whole load of ‘ifs’ which she could have been spared if I had previously set up a power of attorney. At 94, she looked frightened to death and was in tears. They operated the same day, but she never woke up and died that evening. I think she gave up the fight. The hardest thing for me was that she could have been at least spared the trauma of that last conversation with medics before the operation; her last thoughts were fearful. I have since found out that none of us has any rights over the treatment or care of our elderly loved ones without power of attorney. So if your partner has an accident or a life-threatening illness, you have no real say in what happens to them. It is scary how few rights we have left without having to pay for them.
Joan Baily, Torquay, Devon.