The dastardly Mr Deedes

Former Investment Association boss Daniel Godfrey has abandoned plans for his own investment company, The People’s Trust. Do-gooding Godfrey, 56, who sports a Garibaldi beard and shaven head, was seeking £125m from investors, but has embarrassingly failed to even get past the £50m minimum required to launch. Oh dear. Perhaps citing Jeremy Corbyn as his inspiration scared the horses.

City veteran Lord Myners, 69, rose to his hind legs in the House of Lords this week to deplore the performance of Greybull, owners of the now defunct Monarch Airlines. He kept moaning about the behaviour of the CIA in the airline’s failure. Eh? I’m pretty sure he meant the CAA, the Civil Aviation Authority. Unless his Lordship is suggesting US agents were working as Monarch trolley dollies.

Consumer firm Unilever is in crisis mode after an advert for Dove soap was labelled racist. Over in the US, the backlash has even eclipsed revelations about porcine pervert Harvey Weinstein, 65, who one actress claims suggested she ‘soap him up’ in the bath. Could it get any worse for Unilever? A public relations expert advises: ‘Perhaps. If it emerges Weinstein was soaping himself in Dove, they could be in real trouble.’

Bloomberg reports that Greek Finance minister Yanis Varoufakis’s memoir, Adults in the Room, in which he recounts his long-running battles with the EU, might be getting the Hollywood treatment. Balding action star Jason Statham was of course born to play louche-looking Yanis, 56. Could hard man Stathe, 50, persuade his better half, gorgeous brassiere model Rosie Huntington-Whiteley, 30, to tackle frumpy fraulein Angela Merkel?

John Lewis will be selling a £ 100 advent calendar this Christmas, which contains a 25ml bottle of gin behind each of its 25 doors. That’s Mike Ashley’s pressie sorted!