29 years of caring for Mum almost broke me
GOVERNMENT minister and GP Phillip Lee puts the blame for the failing social care system on the shoulders of the children of the elderly (Mail). He misses the point completely. Advances in healthcare and better living standards have combined to ensure people live longer. The NHS is brilliant, but supporting inevitable decline is expensive. Dr Lee contradicts himself by arguing it is better for the elderly to be cared for by their own children than by those of migrant communities whose values he extols. He likens the welfare state to a Ponzi scheme — people pay in for years and find the coffers empty when they need help. This shows appalling fiscal and strategic management. The welfare state is subsidised by unpaid family carers, usually daughters, who make huge sacrifices and, according to the Office for National Statistics, save the economy £60billion a year. Caring can be an exhausting and thankless task. Siblings, distant relatives and healthcare professionals underestimate the effort required. As their parents’ needs increase, family carers do not have easy access to specialist training in dementia or mental health care. Lacking the support of the multi-disciplinary team available to paid carers in a professional setting, the role of an unpaid carer can be isolating and depressing. I have cared for my mother for 29 years, 12 of those in a specially adapted apartment in my home, and it nearly broke me. Two years ago, I was advised that she had reached the stage where she could not remain at home. My mother’s move into a residential home has not changed the responsibility I feel towards her or her care. The days when I do not spend many hours with her are rare. Looking after my mother has cost me dearly — financially, emotionally and socially. I have been racked with guilt since the day my mother entered residential care. The last thing I need is for a politician to label me as selfish.
SANDRA EATON, Chippenham, Wilts.