HOW TO AFFAIR-PROOF A MARRIAGE

ACKNOWLEDGE there is no way to fully affair-proof a marriage; monogamy is a practice that we choose to take on for the good of the relationship.

Knowing that, there are still steps you can take to make your relationship more robust and resilient, including steps that rekindle desire.

BRING all of the pieces of yourself into your marriage: your passions, interests, desires and fantasies. Build a sense of aliveness and vitality, so you don’t feel tempted to look elsewhere for another self.

TALK honestly about the foundations of your relationship and your definition of fidelity before you have a crisis. Don’t wait for an affair to have these conversations. Couples

who feel free to talk honestly about their wants and needs, even when they are not directed at each other, paradoxically become closer.

MAKE sure each of you has a diverse social network of friends, work colleagues, relatives and acquaintances, which ‘nurtures each of you, together and separate’.

PLAN new experiences together: travelling, hob- bies, meeting people, taking risks, and ‘maintaining a sense of curiosity and discovery over new things’.

ACKNOWLEDGE that having feelings and desires for other people is natural — it’s whether we act on them or not that is the choice we make. This will help with forgiveness, acceptance and — ultimately — moving on.