Meet the chore-loving mutt who’s so marvellous you could marry him
The fabulous varieties of crossbreeds and designer dogs in Britain today deserve more than just a two- and- a- half hour telly celebration.
They should have a Broadway chorus line singing their bizarre, hybrid names.
Try this to the tune of Supercalifragilistic: ‘Staffy- Jack and Sheprador, Border Jack and Schnoodle/ Shollie, Sprollie, Borador, Puggle, Cavadoodle/ Jackahuahua, Staffrador, Labradinger, Shihpoo/ Goldador and Basenji, Cockayorkiebichpoo . . .’
All right, I made the last one up — though there’s no reason why someone shouldn’t mix a Cocker Spaniel with a Bichon Frise, a Yorkshire Terrier and a Toy Poodle. It would be no stranger than the Jack Russell-Chihuahua (Jackahuahua) or the Pug-Beagle (Puggle).
( And, if you’re wondering, the Staffordshire- Jack Russell, the German Shepherd- Labrador, Border Collie- Jack Russell, Schnauzer-Poodle, German ShepherdCollie, Springer SpanielCollie, Border Collie-Labrador, King Charles Cavalier- Poodle, Staffie - Labrador, LabradorSpringer, Shih Tzu-Poodle and Golden Retriever-Lab.)
More than a dozen of the top 100 on Britain’s Favourite Dogs (ITV) were mixed breeds, and all were adorable. It’s easy to see why these new strains, mostly bred to be easygoing pets rather than working animals, have caught on so fast.
Many were new to me, particularly the Basenji — an import from the Democratic Republic of Congo, like a terrier crossed with a wild African hunting dog. Oddly, it can’t bark . . . but it can howl.
Labrador fan Ben Fogle and Maltese owner Sara Cox talked us through the nation’s nominations, from the Dandie Dinmont at No. 100, through the improbables such as hungarian Vizslas and the hairless Chinese Crested, to old faithfuls like the Golden Retriever and German Shepherd.
Plenty of unexpected facts were squeezed in. ‘Poodle’ is German for ‘to splash in water’. A group of pugs is a ‘grumble’, and Weimaraners are born with stripes for camouflage which fade after a few days.
The most interesting segments, though, focused on the owners’ stories, a mix of celebs and ordinary folk talking about what their animals meant to them. The items were well chosen, with no repetitions — we met a Cairn terrier who was dognapped (and found 100 miles away), a heroic Shar Pei who caught a burglar and almost paid with his life, a Goldie who adopts and nurses rescued kittens, and a Dachshund called Jack with wheels for back legs.
At 150 minutes, this was a marathon show, and though I watched the whole programme with a silly grin on my face and didn’t press ‘pause’, it might have been better broken into two episodes. But anyone who stayed until the end was rewarded with a real superstar, Jester the Labrador. he’s an assistance dog, the constant companion of John, a disabled former Royal Marine.
This pooch answers the phone and loads the washing machine. If Jester can cook as well, John should consider marrying him.
For sheer dependability, though, a Swedish murder thriller is even more reliable than a dog. Before We Die ( C4) introduced diamond- hard detective hanna Svensson (Marie Richardson).
This was an instantly gripping police crime drama, with believable characters snared in a nightmare of biker gangs and abduction. If you loved The Killing, Trapped and Wallander, you won’t want to miss this.
As with all Channel Four’s foreign language dramas, the entire series is available online, via the All4 website. But wisely, the broadcaster will also be screening the show weekly on air. Perhaps they’ve realised some people prefer to watch TV, not on a laptop or mobile phone, but on a television. Imagine!