Lesson 1: It’s all a bunch of fay canoes!
HOW TO TEACH YOURSELF TRUMP ...
AR NEST: Truthful. ‘I love Ar Nest reporting.’ BIG LEE: Massively. ‘We’re gonna win Big Lee.’ BARMED: Crashed. ‘Megyn Kelly really barmed last night.’ BOY CUT: To refuse to take part in. ‘ We should boy cut Fake News CNN.’ BYOO DIVUL: Lovely. ‘ Byoo divul weather all over our great country.’ CHANNER: World’s most populous country. ‘ Very disappointed that Channer is allowing oil to go into North Kreeya.’ CULLER MIST: Newspaper commentator. ‘Thank you to all respected culler mists for their powerful writing on furriner fairs.’ DIS ARN NEST: Untruthful. ‘This news is totally made up by the Dis Arn Nest Me Dya.’ DIS GASTIN: Off-putting. ‘ Toadly biassed and dis gastin reporting.’ DOUGH PEE: Foolish. ‘The guy who just asked that question is so dough pee.’ DUZZNAVA KLOO: Ignorant. ‘ Global Warming is a fake. David Attenborough duzznava kloo.’ FAN DAS DIK: Extraordinary. ‘General John F. Kelly is doing a fan das dik job.’ FAY CANOES: Unreliable journalism. ‘So much fay canoes is being reported.’ FURRINER FAIRS: International relations. ‘ Crooked Hillary Clinton knows nothing about furriner fairs.’ FIN UM INAW JUB: Excellent work. ‘Steve Bannon is doing a fin um inaw jub.’ (July 2017) GOO FEE: Stupid. ‘ Goo fee Steve Bannon has lost his mind.’ (December 2017) GRADE: Respected, powerful. ‘Maker Merry Ker Grade Agen.’ GUNNER: All set to. ‘We’re gunner do grade things.’ INCOMTENT: Substandard, unskilful. ‘Crooked Hillary hasn’t a clue. She’s incomtent.’ JAROOZUM: City in the Middle East. ‘I have determined that it is time to recognised Jaroozum as the capital of Israel.’ JUB: Task, or job of work. ‘First Lady Mel Arnyer is doon a great jub.’ LAIR FING: Poking fun. ‘The phony Russian witch-hunt continues. The whole world is lair fing at us.’ KREEYA: Region in East Asia, divided into North Kreeya and South Kreeya. LIE TWATE: Lacking seriousness. ‘Baracker Bammer is a toad hall lie twate.’
MAY KAMERRY KAGRAY TAGEN: Campaign slogan. ‘Tomorrow it’s back to work to May Kamerry Kagray Tagen.’ MILLY TAIRY: Armed forces: ‘ A government shutdown will be devastating to our milly tairy — something the Democrats care very little about!’ MORE UN: Obtuse person. ‘ I’m worth billions of dollars, employ thousands of people, and get libelled by More Un bloggers who can’t afford a suit!’ NOBUDDY: ‘Nobuddy respects our milly tairy more than me.’ NUTJUB: See More Un. ‘Nutter nice person. He’s a real nutjub.’ NUTTERNICE PERSON: Unpleasant human being. ‘ Crooked Hillary was soundly beaten — nutternice person!’ OBAMAKEHH: Health insurance. ‘So unfair that poor people are getting so much better but paying so much less under Obamakehh.’
O VRAYDED: Assessed too highly. ‘The cast of Hamilton, which I hear is highly o vrayded, should apologise to Mike Pence for their tair bull behavior.’ SICKINDY VIDYOOS: Mentally unstable people. ‘The guys who claim I am dumb are sickindy vidyoos.’
SOCULLED: Inappropriately named. ‘We’ve had enough of this soculled “climate change.” ’ STOO PID: See Nutjub. ‘The me dya must think the people are so stoo pid.’ STRUNGLY: Forcefully. ‘I strungly disagree.’ STUP: Halt. ‘The only way to stup all this killing is with guns.’ TEAR BULL: Very bad. ‘ Crooked Hillary was a tear bull candidate.’ TOAD HALL: Complete. ‘Dealing with fay canoes is a toad hall waste of time.’ TRUSS: Believe. ‘ Truss me, I’ll be the greatest President ever.’ UMBLY VUBBLE: Incredible. ‘Umbly vubble support in North Carolina last night. Thank you!’ VAIRIVAIRI: Extremely. ‘Once again, fay canoes CNN was vairivairi unfair so we’re gunner hit them vairivairi hard!’ WINNUZ: Champions. ‘ We’re nut intrestid in losers, only winnuz!’ WORRIER: Combatant. ‘ General Mike Flynn is a brave worrier.’ YUGE: Exceedingly large. ‘ Yuge crowd expected tomorrow night!’ YUMAN BEENS: People. ‘Yumorous culler mists are to my mind the most dis arn nest yuman beens on the face of this earth.’