A strong and stable guide to May-speak

FABULOUS CUT-OUT-AND-KEEP THERESAURUS ... PART 1

AGREEMENT: Always ‘ broad’ and/or ‘far-reaching’. AND: In learning to speak May, it is worth remembering that two words are always better than one, particularly when they mean the same. Hence: strong and stable, fair and open, deep and comprehensive, unique and unprecedented, rights and obligations, attentions and efforts, co-operation and partnership, bold and creative, confident and forward-looking, ups and downs, ins and outs, Little and Large, Morecambe and Wise, dumb and dumber, Callard and Bowser, over and out. AS I SAID: Whenever you begin a speech, preface it with the phrase, ‘As I said’, eg, ‘ As I said in Munich, what I said in Florence was what I said in Lisbon, which is what I said in Munich.’ BUT BEFORE WE CAN DO THAT: ‘I want us to go straight ahead. But before we can do that, we must set out plans for crossing that bridge when we come to it. But before we can do that, we must find a strong measure of agreement as to how we start the car. But before we can do that, we must work together to find a car to start.’ CHALLENGES: Always ‘ big’ and ‘worth addressing’. CHANGE: Not to be feared. Always ‘fundamental’. CHERRY-PICKING: Cherries are not to be picked, though why not, nobody knows. CHOICES: Always ‘ tough’ and/ or ‘ hard’. COMMITMENTS: Always ‘binding’. ‘ We will make a strong and binding commitment up to that time when we start insisting that no such commitment was ever made.’ COMPREHENSIVE SYSTEM OF MUTUAL RECOGNITION: Similar to a mutual system of comprehensive recognition, but wholly different from a recognised system of mutual comprehension. CONFIDENT: Just the word to employ when you are feeling doubtful. In May-speak, the use of ‘confident’ is a sure sign of hesitation. ‘I have never been more confident. Well, hardly ever. I’ve hardly ever been more confident. Well, not confident, exactly. I wouldn’t go that far. I’ve hardly ever been, well, you know what it’s like.’ DEALS: Always ‘ wide- ranging’ and/or ‘mutually beneficial’. DECISIONS: Decisions determine agreements. And agreements determine decisions. And that is why we remain determined. DIALOGUE: Always ‘ongoing’. DIFFERENCE, points of: Never worth worrying about. ‘I am confident that any points of difference will be resolved in the days ahead.’ See also: Ironed Out. ENDING: The opposite of ongoing, though, looked at from another angle, exactly the same. ‘We should think of it as not so much an ending as a beginning.’ EXISTING MODELS: Will not work. For example, the Norway model, where we would stay in the single market. Or the Canadian model, which would mean access to each other’s markets.

Or the Swedish model, which would be topless.

Or the Airfix model, which would be held together with glue and made to hang from the ceiling.

More than ever, we are determined to create the wax model, which is full of pins and delivers sharp pains to those who cross us. FACTS. Always ‘hard’. We all need to face up to some hard facts. Let’s face facts. Life is going to be different. But better. Or betterish. Or not much worse, if we’re lucky. Thank goodness for Liam Fox! FOUNDATION: Where is the foundation? The foundation is often to be found beneath the cornerstone. FORGE: The only way to forge a bold, new, positive future in the world is to study the great forgers of the past. Let’s be clear about this. If we have a future, it must be forged. FRAMEWORK: A framework is important if you want to get round a table. Because a table without a framework will collapse. FUTURE: Always ‘within our grasp’ and/or ‘waiting to be seized’. GOAL: Always ‘shared’, no matter what. ‘ As in football, both teams have a shared goal.’ HOW WE GET THERE: But how do we get there? By forging ahead. No-one ever got anywhere by going backwards. INTERESTS: Always ‘shared’. IRONING OUT: To iron out an issue, 1) bring it to the table, 2) underpin it, 3) hammer it out, 4) iron it out. ISSUES: Always ‘broader’. To be continued