wedding bingo!
Tick the box if Meghan hugs a stranger, Paul Burrell steals the limelight, Harry winks at Cressie – or Posh cracks a smile. It’s . . .
TODAY’S royal wedding is expected to be watched by two billion people worldwide. But with most channels devoting five hours to the coverage, the day may drag a little. So why not play Royal Wedding Bingo? Simply tick a box on the bingo grid on the right of the page when any of the events happen. Treat yourself to a glass of Pimm’s for every three you get and shout ‘Windsor Castle’ should you get a full house...
WHERE DID YOU GET THAT HAT?
YOU spot the first utterly daft hat on a guest. At Kate and William’s wedding Princess Beatrice was mercilessly mocked for her octopus-like headgear. Who will it be this time?
THE OTHER BIG OCCASION
‘IT’S the biggest event of the year... and there’s also a royal wedding.’ A male presenter makes a predictable gag about the FA cup final, which is on later in the day, and his female co-star rolls her eyes.
DRESSED TO IMPRESS?
UBER-EXPENSIVE British brand Ralph & Russo have been tipped to make Meghan a £100,000 dress. But instead she wears a tiny, unknown eco-brand with impeccably right-on credentials sewn by a women’s collective and made from vegan silk.
BUMP WATCH FOR PIPPA
PIPPA MIDDLETON arrives in a loosefitting dress that, irritatingly, still doesn’t completely confirm whether or not she’s pregnant.
KATE’S LOST THE LOUIS WEIGHT
THE Duchess of Cambridge arrives and everyone marvels (slightly bitterly) at how she can possibly have lost all that baby weight in less than a month.
NO COMPRENDE INTERVIEW
A REPORTER tries to interview someone in the crowd but it quickly becomes apparent that they don’t speak a word of English. The clip goes viral and all your friends post it on Facebook.
FLIRTY GROOM ON THE AISLE
IN HIS last moments as an unmarried man, Harry winks at one of the posh totty in the congregation when he walks down the aisle with brother William.
HARRY’S EX FACTOR
THE woman who agrees to have her future husband’s exgirlfriends at their wedding is very accepting, and Chelsy Davy and Cressida Bonas are apparently invited. Sink a double if one has an ‘It should have been me’ expression.
RATHER PLAYFUL PRINCE PAGEBOY
GEORGE sticks his tongue out at a bridesmaid — like his dad did at Fergie’s wedding.
PRINCESS PERFECT
WHILE Prince George scowls, Princess Charlotte behaves perfectly, charming the crowd with darling waves — all the while giving her older brother a rather smug look.
A SMILING POSH
A CAMERAMAN captures an image of Victoria Beckham smiling. OK, it’s rarer than a total eclipse but it may just happen.
ANNE’S NOT TOO HAPPY
PRINCESS ANNE is seen wearing an outfit she’s worn 100 times before (first in the early Nineties) and looking like she’d much rather be mucking out the stables.
HAND ON HEART
KEEN to show she’s still humble, Meghan does her trademark ‘clutching her hands to her heart’ pose.
JILTED AT THE ALTAR
FOOTAGE is shown of Meghan’s Suits character Rachel Zane in a wedding dress getting dumped at the altar and someone comments ‘Let’s hope that doesn’t happen today.’
MILLIE MAKES AN ENTRANCE
SOCIETY girl and reality TV star Millie Mackintosh arrives and attempts to grab the limelight by ‘doing a Pippa’ in a tightfitting dress that shows off her bum.
MOTHER’S HAT-OFF
KATE’S mum Carole’s hat is just a tad bigger than Doria’s — and Camilla’s, too.
SERENA COURTS ATTENTION
MEGHAN’S pal, tennis star Serena Williams, turns up. This is one occasion where she really shouldn’t wear white — but she does.
BBC GETS PC ON CASH
THE po-faced BBC bring up the subject of money (the wedding is expected to cost in excess of £2 million) and ask who’s paying for all of this. Sink a double if Jeremy Corbyn is the one saying it, in
a particularly killjoy manner.
SIMPSON SIMILARITIES
MEGHAN isn’t the first American divorcee to marry a member of the royal family. Wallis Simpson is mentioned in the run up to the event more than twice.
HERE COMES THAT BUTLER
FORMER royal butler Paul Burrell pops up somewhere and says Harry’s mother Princess Diana is ‘there in spirit’.
A KISS (OR THREE)
NOT just one kiss for this amorous pair, but several (there’s no scenestealing balcony, after all): walking down the aisle, on the steps, in the car, getting out of the car ... you get the picture.
STREET PARTY PANDEMONIUM
A CORRESPONDENT reports live from a street party and tries to look happy as many excitable children screech and get jelly and custard all over his suit.
ROASTED BY FOWL LANGUAGE
ROAST chicken is mentioned. Harry proposed while they were roasting a chicken at Kensington Palace.
A MARKLE DEBACLE
ONE of the banned mad Markles attempts to gain access to the chapel. Meghan’s nephews Tyler and Thomas Dooley and their mother Tracy were both seen jetting in to London this week — despite not having an invite.
MATCHMAKER GIGGLES
A TV pundit attempts to keep a straight face while talking about Harry and Meghan’s matchmaker Misha Nonoo... which, let’s face it, does sound a
rude. little
HAPPY CLAPPY AMERICANS
CHARLES and Camilla exchange sideways glances when Meghan’s American friends start clapping and whooping in the church when the bride and groom kiss (as is tradition in the U.S.).
LET THEM EAT CAKE
MEGHAN, the new People’s Princess, emerges to hand out pieces of her lemon and elderflower cake and take some selfies with the crowd.
VOWS WITH FEMINIST FLAIR
‘YOU complete me and nourish my soul.’ Meghan breaks with royal tradition by writing her own vows.
MEGHAN GETS TOUCHY-FEELY
MEGHAN hugs a Union Jack-clad commoner. She’s proven herself to be very tactile so if Harry and Meghan greet any of the crowd you can expect it to be hugs central.
SPOT THE ROYAL BRIDE
THEY’VE got to pad out the programmes somehow, so expect to see a lot of footage of previous royal brides. Mark this off when you’ve seen the big three: Diana, Fergie and Kate.
TELEVISION UNLOOKALIKES
HARRY and Meghan lookalikes are interviewed on TV — even though they look nothing like the real thing.
PHIL’S HAD HIS FILL
PRINCE PHILIP is seen yawning and a lipreader catches him asking the Queen: ‘How much longer is this going to go on for?’