Self-service left me a stroppy shopper

My shopping’s in the basket; I’m ready now to pay. I think I’ll try self-service — It’s easy, so they say. The screen shows SCAN FIRST ITEM. Well, that’s a loaf of bread — And then a tin of lentil soup — It’s easy, as they said. Some cheese — a pack of butter — A can of sparkling lime. This is what’s called progress. I’ll be home in record time. But wait, there is a hold-up. That’s not part of the plan. A simple pack of headache pills Apparently, won’t scan. Then a voice comes through the screen. It couldn’t sound much scarier. It’s saying, UNEXPECTED ITEM IN THE BAGGING AREA! PLEASE REMOVE THIS ITEM. I’m now in quite a state. I don’t know what I have to do. I guess I’ll stand and wait. Eventually, a person comes To carry out removal. It seems that paracetamol Must have the right approval. I carry on, I’m not deterred.

I scan a jar of jam; Some frozen peas, a jelly And a pack of mustard ham. But now, another hold-up. Ciabatta rolls, no less. I press the thing marked BAKERY. I’m getting in a mess. I scroll through for CIABATTA. I cannot see them there. I feel like shouting very loud PLEASE — CIABATTA — WHERE? I press for help and stand and wait.

I wait and look around. It seems the person that can help Is nowhere to be found. And then a woman comes across. She’s not too pleased with me. She presses ‘OTHER’ then she says, ‘LOOK, THERE’S CIABATTA, SEE?’ I scan the last two items. I’m anxious to be free. It’s obvious self-service tills Are simply not for me. The process isn’t over yet. I’m really not amused. I have to press a key to show How many bags I’ve used. I scrabble in my handbag To find some coins or card And press the key marked TOTAL. This part isn’t hard. I stuff my shopping in a bag. It’s stacked up in a pile. Next time, I’ll choose a check-out With a human and a smile.

greta Ward, Hayling Island, Hants.