Tragedy of Love Island

I FEEL sorry for all the young girls watching Love Island, growing up thinking all men are hairless, have 16-packs and orange coloured skin that suggests they’ve grown up next to a nuclear reactor. Or that women should speak in sentences such as: ‘Like I kinda fink I like you and like, is it for real that you’ve like sh****d like 200 girls?’

Or that it’s normal for girls’ lips to be so engorged by fillers they can’t get them around the rim of a glass without dribbling or even, sadder still, feel the tender kiss of a faithful man.