DESPERATE DIEGO HAS MADE A MOCKERY OF HIS COUNTRY (AGAIN!)

IT WAS 2009 when Argentina needed to beat Uruguay to qualify for the World Cup under Diego Maradona. The day before the match we waited for Argentina’s arrival in Buenos Aires. And waited. And waited. Nobody knew when the team would be there. It was down to Maradona and he wasn’t a morning person. First, he had to get out of bed. Then someone from the association would eventually be bold enough to enquire about travel plans. Finally, a hovercraft brought Argentina across the River Plate in early evening, at which point a member of Maradona’s staff got into a fight on the dock. It could have been worse. Earlier in the campaign, when FIFA were considering the ethical argument for allowing Bolivia to host matches in La Paz, 3,600 metres above sea level, Maradona declared that if he, a fat guy, could play there in his prime, then today’s super-fit athletes should have no problem. When it was Argentina’s turn to visit he rose late, as usual, and arrived on site less than 24 hours before kick-off. Some of Argentina’s players were finding it hard to breathe just getting off the plane and, during the match, oxygen was administered in the dressing-room. Argentina lost 6-1. Maradona has responded to Argentina’s early exit from this tournament by offering to return to manage the team for nothing. It would certainly be a pay-cut from the daily £10,000 he is reportedly receiving as a FIFA ambassador here. So far, his ambassadorial duties have included giving the finger to fans when Argentina scored late against Nigeria, accusing the referee of monumental theft when England defeated Colombia and collapsing from ingesting too much white wine. Argentina are unlikely to give him the job because they do not wish for a lunatic in charge again. FIFA president Gianni Infantino, it would appear, is more desperate and therefore rather less discerning.