Side-effect of cancer ... finding out who your friends are

THERE is, according to 80year-old Moya St Leger, a little known side-effect of cancer that’s rarely discussed — how quickly your friends disappear.

Writing in the Mail this week, Ms St Leger, who was diagnosed with breast cancer last year, shared her bleak experience and that of many others she’d been contacted by.

I’ve seen it so often, that sense of abandonment some patients feel in the weeks after a grim diagnosis. There’s an initial spike in contact as family and friends pitch in to offer support, make calls, send cards and flowers . . . and then nothing.

People don’t know what to say or do, so they get on with their lives and keep their distance, despite feeling guilty. If that sounds familiar, here’s what to do about it.

First off, don’t offer meaningless platitudes such as ‘Call me if you need anything’. Sick people in low spirits rarely have the energy to ask for help.

Don’t feel you have to talk about their health, as it’s probably the last thing they want to discuss. If you’re not sure what to say, say precisely that — and take your lead from them in conversation.

Don’t put off making contact, no matter how long you’ve left it, as it only gets harder as each day passes. Decide on something you can do for your friend regularly — popping in for a cup of tea, shopping or chores.

As the doughty Ms St Leger says, the good news about cancer is that one’s true friends, however few, are revealed.

Make sure that you are one of them.