Give yourself a chance to be surprised

HAVE you ever thought about surprise? Not presents or treats, but surprise in relationships. How marvellous it is when somebody you love does something unexpected, making you think of them in a new light.

For example, after lunch last Sunday, my father (96) suddenly said: ‘We watched a good programme last night all about an American lady, a poet who killed herself. Very sad. . .’

Now I had been utterly gripped by the BBC2 documentary about Sylvia Plath (called Inside The Bell Jar, it’s available on catch-up), because the poet was a life-changing influence when I was young.

And Plath’s daughter, Frieda Hughes, (an accomplished poet and painter in her own right) happens to be my friend, which made her appearances in the film all the more moving. I treasure my books, pictures and memorabilia of the late poet laureate Ted Hughes and his brilliant, doomed wife Sylvia.

Now my parents had no idea about any of that, and I would never, ever have expected them to watch the programme. Yet Mum chimed in with how interesting it had been — and when I then showed her my precious collection she was fascinated.

But why had I never done so before? Simply because I had put my parents in a ‘box’, while the poets were in my own literary ‘box’. It’s what we do when we take people for granted.

This was an important lesson for me. I felt proud that in their 90s my parents showed such lively curiosity to watch something unexpected. And I wondered whether, at a similar age, I would choose (say) a documentary on space exploration or science.

There is so much good television (Sky Arts, BBC4, The History Channel, National Geographic etc) to broaden the mind and expand the imagination. So let’s not watch the same old things, but emulate the nonagenarians, try something different and surprise ourselves.

To quote Sylvia Plath, this truly can make the heart ‘grow green again’.

Bel answers readers’ questions on emotional and relationship problems each week. Write to Bel Mooney, Daily Mail, 2 Derry Street, london W8 5TT, or email bel.mooney@dailymail.co.uk. Names are changed to protect identities. Bel reads all letters but regrets she cannot enter into personal correspondence.