As subtle as a Panzer tank, but at least Fergie is never dull
CONGRATULATIONS to Pippa Middleton on the birth of her baby boy. No doubt it won’t be long before she publishes a guide for new mothers. ‘The thing to remember about babies is that they tend to cry a lot, and also require regular feeding . . .’
WHAT a busy few days for the Royal Family. First Princess Eugenie’s wedding, with its star-studded guest list and unchained extravagance.
Then the announcement, on Monday, of a new arrival for the Duke and Duchess of Sussex, their first child. and at the centre of it all, a Duchess of extraordinary ambition and drive.
not Meghan. not even Kate. I’m talking about Sarah Ferguson, who has just staged a royal comeback not even her staunchest supporters could have predicted.
This is a woman who, for the past two decades, has been viewed by public and Palace alike as an embarrassment, and permanently on the fringes of failure. Who since her departure from the royal fold in 1992 after that toe- sucking scandal with oil tycoon John Bryan has undertaken a long and very public walk of shame.
It’s a walk, however, that finally, victoriously, came to an end last Friday with her seated front and centre alongside the Queen and Prince Philip in St George’s Chapel, Windsor.
along the way she has suffered personal and financial humiliation, found herself the object of ridicule and scorn — and has got herself into more pickles than you’ll find in a jar of gherkins, not least the 2010 ‘cash for access’ scandal, which saw her offering an audience with ex-husband Prince andrew, in return for £500,000.
That, by her own admission, was one of her lowest points, a ‘huge lapse of judgment’ brought about by the fact she had been drinking and was desperate for money.
Even now, aged 59, she can’t seem to help herself. at the wedding she was about as subtle as a Panzer tank, galumphing up the aisle in her high heels to her seat in the front row.
On Monday, just as the longawaited news of the Duchess of Sussex’s pregnancy was revealed to the world, Fergie started tweeting on and on about her daughter’s day and her own wedding outfits, seemingly determined not to allow the news to upstage Eugenie.
The woman is utterly incorrigible. and yet. There is something about her indefatigable, indestructible nature that I can’t help but admire. Something in her propensity for pratfalls of her own making that makes her so much more human than other royals. It’s not just her ability to bounce back each time she gets knocked down — although what tenacity she must have shown in the face of an arctic royal froideur, to have ended up back on such good terms with andrew and living under the same roof.
nor is it that she is clearly a mother devoted to her daughters. nor even her, at times, toe-curling honesty about her own failings and feelings of insecurity.
It’s the fact that in her, I recognise so many of my own shortcomings and mistakes. She once said many of her problems stem ‘ from desperately trying to please’ — a notion I am all too familiar with.
Unlike Meghan and Kate, both of whom are unimpeachable in their behaviour, Fergie is — like so many of us — a bit of a mess. But she’s a well-meaning, warm-hearted mess. and that makes us warm to her, despite everything.
Only a heart of stone could have remained unmoved by her look of sheer joy as she alighted at St George’s Chapel. Or the way she huffed and puffed nervously in the pews, grinning, gurning and waving in excitement at old friends in the congregation.
She’s like a human labrador: clumsy, over- excitable, greedy, prone to causing breakages with her constantly wagging tail — but ultimately impossible to remain angry with for all that long.
This is clearly a sentiment shared by not only andrew but also the Queen, who has for the past few years been slowly but surely welcoming her back into the fold.
Even Philip, one of her harshest critics, has clearly given up trying to resist. There he is, smiling grimly in the wedding photographs, as Fergie, luminous in emerald green, beams away behind him.
But there’s another reason that, at long last, Fergie’s stars have started to align. It’s not just what she is; it’s also what she is not. Dull.
There is no doubt the two younger royal spouses — Kate and Meghan — are a class act. neither ever seems to put a toe wrong, from the way they dress to the platitudes that pass their lips. They are the ultimate royal consorts, polished, dutiful, beautiful and devoted to acts of selfless generosity. lovely, of course. But humdrum.
Fergie, by contrast, is a riot. She belongs to a different age, a premillennial, pre-virtue signalling, un-woke world which, for all its flaws, was authentic and quite often fun.
Fergie makes me long for the bad old royals, the ones in the Princess Margaret mould who were shockingly, appallingly awful. But at least they kept us all entertained.
Wonderful as Meghan and Kate are, they are also a little anodyne, a bit too good to be true. Something Fergie could never be accused of. Thank goodness.