Ooh Matron! Bake Off’s so much better without all that Carry On

SQUeAKY clean and pure of mind, The Great British Bake Off ( C4) has gone all wholesome since it left the Beeb. Its days of smut and sauce are in the bin.

It’s only a couple of years since Bake off was more crammed with innuendo than a Carry on compilation. every line that presenters Mel and Sue spoke was rich with filthy humour.

Look at her jam roly- polies, missus! Get your choppers round that French stick! What a smashing pair of firm meringues! You’ll need a fatter nozzle for that, my love! It gets bigger as you whip it! Altogether now, boys and girls . . . she’s got a soggy bottom!

Channel 4 is the home of Britain’s most explicit game shows, featuring naked dating and candid interviews with post-coital couples. But its version of Bake off is as prim and spotless as a spinster’s pinny.

In semi-final week, with the four remaining bakers challenged to bake elegant patisserie in the Parisian style, the first task was to display a plateful of madeleine cakes — a sponge- like biscuit with a distinctive curved back or ‘hump’.

Shy physicist rahul was so innocent that the muffled giggles simply baffled him. ‘Can I ask you something?’ he murmured, tugging on a cameraman’s sleeve at lunchtime. ‘ Why are people laughing about “hump”?’ This is as cheeky as it gets.

Bake off is still light-hearted, with a topping of silly jokes, but now that presenters Sandi Toksvig and noel Fielding have settled in, they have introduced their own brand of humour.

A real rapport has grown up between the two, and it’s reflected in the easy timing of their gags.

At one point, as Sandi made an announcement, noel could be seen through a marquee window, playing tennis with something that looked like Chewbacca. or it might have been a werewolf.

At any rate, it seemed to have nothing to do with patisserie — and the fact Sandi ignored him made it all the funnier.

With the series reaching its climax next week (stop that sniggering at the back!) there were as many tears as smiles.

Sandi choked up as she announced which baker would not be going through to the final and, though the decision was little surprise, many viewers must have shared the sadness. A real fondness has grown up for these competitors over the past couple of months. It’s been a classic Bake off, one of the best. And all done without any need for muckiness, madam.

Two episodes in and it’s painfully obvious that Informer (BBC1) is far from being any sort of classic. It’s derivative, unconvincing and frequently complete nonsense. Paddy Considine’s bent detective Gabe, the one with an accent that flip- flops from Brummie to Cockney with a dash of Belfast, went in to see his boss.

She signed his petty cash docket for £60, after some very dull explanations, and then ordered him to sit down for a hypnotherapy session.

Gabe closed his eyes, the screen went soft- focus and suddenly he was talking about his childhood.

Seems like a lot of palaver to get your expenses.

Later, he was having dinner with his new partner (who lacks basic social skills, of course, like all female detectives) when they were summoned to a robbery at a fast food shop.

This duo are meant to be anti-terrorism officers, but they drop everything for a scuffle in a fried chicken kitchen.

And guess what — one of the robbers was their own informer. What are the chances?