Rugby boots, blazer, cap, scarf... my little boy had the lot. I'd just robbed a scholl outfitter's
WRITERS Dick Clement and Ian La Frenais created many comic gems but they never wrote anything more poignant and lyrical than this early episode of Porridge, a 1974 two-hander that sees Fletch (Ronnie Barker) reluctantly sharing his jail cell with young Lennie Godber (Richard Beckinsale) for the first time. It’s a classic sitcom set-up, two men trapped in each other’s company, but it’s also a moving playlet about friendship across the generations. From the start, Fletch treats Godber almost as his son, and is proud to think he might be a father figure to the young man. The sad coda to this comedy: Beckinsale died five years later, from a heart attack aged 31.
IT’S night time. A match flares as Londoner Fletcher lights up a smoke. Godber, who’s from the Midlands, speaks from below.
GODBER: You awake, Fletch? FLETCHER: No. GODBER: Me neither. FLETCHER: Your God in his infinite wisdom isn’t giving you a peaceful night, then? GODBER: Wasn’t one of the things I asked for.
FLETCHER: That’s true. He won’t be getting much kip either, the list you gave him. GODBER: Don’t be irreverent.
FLETCHER: You’ve changed your spots, ain’t you? When you first came in here, you didn’t know whether you was C of E, Pressed Beef or flamin’ Buddhist!
GODBER: Don’t think it matters much. I just believe in God. I don’t think it matters which lot you support. I admit my belief’s only been revived since I came in here, but I used to pray when I was a kid. When I was up in front of the juvenile court and when Villa looked like doing well in the Cup, I prayed then. But, I don’t know, it didn’t seem to work out. I got probation and Villa lost to Rotherham, one-nothing.
FLETCHER: Typical, innit? People don’t give a second thought, do they, eh! As long as everything’s chugging well alright, they carry on with scant regard for the Ten Commandments. Stealing, committing adultery, coveting each other’s oxes. Then, suddenly, wallop. In the face of adversity, ‘Please God, please help your loyal and faithful servant!’
GODBER: Yeah, you’re right. But I am in the face of adversity. I hate prison, Fletcher. I hate the air of defeat and the smell of disinfectant. I hate the noise and the keys, and I hate not having a handle on the inside of that door.
FLETCHER: Yeah. Well, kids like you shouldn’t be in prison, should they, not really? I mean, it’s the system, innit? You’re not here to be reformed or rehabilitated. You’re just here for public revenge. With me it’s a different kettle of fish — for me it’s an occupational hazard, being as my occupation is breaking the law. Still, my family’s never gone short.
I've got a wife and three kids, you know. Want a bit of this? He gives Godber some chocolate. GODBER: Ta. FLETCHER: I’ll show you their picture when it gets light. My youngest has just got into grammar school. GODBER: Has he? FLETCHER: Yeah. It’s nice, but it costs a lot - you know, books, equipment, all that sort of thing. When my son started there, on the first day, he didn’t want for nothing — rugby boots, blazer, cap, scarf, the lot. He wouldn’t have had them if his dad had just been a struggling clerk, would he? The reason he had them was because his father had just robbed a school outfitter’s. GODBER: What would your son think if he knew the truth? FLETCHER: He’d think, ‘That’s why the blazer’s a bit big!’ He’ll grow into it, though. GODBER: So, you just do it for your family, then? FLETCHER: Yeah, and me old lady. Yeah. 24 years we’ve been married you know. That’s a hell of a long time, 24 years. Course, we was married at 19, you see. Course, it’s too young innit, yeah. That’s Karl Marx and Highgate Cemetery for you innit. GODBER: You must love her very much. FLETCHER: Yeah. Oh yeah. GODBER: ’Cos when you were asleep, like, you kept saying things.’ FLETCHER: Oh? What? What was I saying? GODBER: Well, you just kept saying her name over and over — ‘ Oh, Gloria, my love. Oh, Gloria. Gloria my love.’
FLETCHER: Did I? GODBER: Yes. I found it very moving, even though it woke me up.
FLETCHER: Only thing is, my old lady’s called Isobel. GODBER: Then who’s Gloria?
FLETCHER: You may well ask! Are you sure it was Gloria? GODBER: Positive.
FLETCHER: Gloria, Gloria? Oh, yeah, there was a Gloria! Course there was a Gloria, once. Well, lots of times, actually.
GODBER: Was that before you met your Isobel?
FLETCHER: Well, no. To be honest, Lennie, no, no I mustn’t be untruthful. No, that was a bit of an indiscretion round about 1955. Cell mates: Ronnie Barker as Fletch and Richard Beckinsale as Godber You see, I happened to be then, at that time, King of the Teds in Muswell Hill, and she was a machinist at a clothing factory, so I used to go to her place, have me evil way of her, and get me trousers narrowed at the same time. GODBER: I could never be unfaithful to Denise. FLETCHER: Oh no, don’t get the wrong impression. This was just an indiscretion, see. You have to realise my position. I mean, you can’t be King of the Teds and suddenly say around about ten o’clock, ‘ I’ve got to go home to the wife, now.’ Especially when you’ve just smashed up an amusement arcade.
GODBER: So, you don’t make a habit of indiscretions, then?
FLETCHER: No, I don’t, course I don’t. Isobel’s my old woman and she knows it — all right? There is a pause. GODBER: Then who’s Sharon? FLETCHER: Sharon?! GODBER: After Gloria, you was moaning about Sharon. FLETCHER: I couldn’t have done. I don’t know no Sharon. GODBER: You were. FLETCHER: Oh, Sharon! She’s the one on the wall, ain’t she. ‘Beauty queen shocks council.’ That’s right. I was having a dream about her. It’s all coming back now. GODBER: Carnal thoughts! FLETCHER: All right, all right. No one asked you to eavesdrop into my private dream, did they — Godber! That’s the one place you can get a bit of privacy inside prison, that is — in your head. You want to remember that, my son. It’s the one place where you can get freedom. Dreams is your escape. There’s no locked doors and no barriers. Dreams is freedom. GODBER: Freedom? FLETCHER: Yeah. No locked doors, is there? GODBER: Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah, you’re right, Fletch! FLETCHER: Well, I’m going to get back to mine. I suggest you do the same. GODBER: I will. I will do, Fletch and thank you. FLETCHER: All right. Good night. GODBER: Good night. FLETCHER: Now, where was I? GODBER: Beauty queen shocks council. FLETCHER: Oh, yeah. The way she was performing in my dream, you could see why!