Beckham’s right: marriage is tough

i AM baffled by the vitriol heaped on David Beckham after his comments last week that ‘ to be married for the amount of time that [Victoria and i] have, it’s always hard work, everybody knows that but you make it work’.

he was speaking the truth. Relationships are hard work, and long-term relationships the hardest of all.

i was reminded of his comments when reading about a study in the U.s. this week which found that many people who are in unhappy relationships fail to break up with their partner because they worry about how he or she would cope.

This was regarded as a ‘ bad’ thing and the study concluded that people should be encouraged to think more about their own needs: to be selfish rather than selfless.

i’ve seen many people who are suffering with low mood and anxiety that’s caused by a problem relationship. And, yes, sometimes, breaking up is the best thing.

But i’m not an advocate of being selfish. it makes it too easy to give up and flounce off at the first hint of discord.

The alternative is to flit from relationship to relationship — and i’ve known patients who do this, with damaging consequences for their mental health — always in search of ‘the one’; that perfect match which, of course, in reality just doesn’t exist.

Putting our partners first and learning some tolerance — as no doubt David and Victoria have learned to do — is a bigger challenge, but it’s the foundation of something enduring and worthwhile.