Would you credit this card sharp?

SEVErAL years ago, when I was working in the housing department at a local district council, our boss got a new job. It was a big step up and he suggested that we celebrate by going out for a meal. There were five of us in his senior management team and we told the boss that we would pay. We wanted to say farewell to him in style and arranged to go to a local pub. one of the managers, Steve, said that he would pay on his credit card and we could chip in later. We all had a good time reminiscing about incidents that had occurred while our boss was in charge. We were wishing him all the best over coffee when the restaurant manager started to hover with the bill. Steve got a card from his wallet and handed it to the manager, who went to get a card machine. We were still engaged in genial banter when the manager reappeared and said: ‘Sorry, sir, this card is no good.’ Steve looked mortified and the rest of us fell silent. The manager then smiled and said: ‘This is a library card.’ We all fell about laughing and the boss had a humorous send-off. Steve was often reminded about the library card incident.

Don Townshend, Chelmsford, Essex.

Follow-up

My MOTHER-IN-LAW was known for getting words mixed up. She told us that her neighbours couldn’t get a loan from the bank for a ‘paraquat’ floor because they hadn’t any ‘cholesterol’ in the bank. When we asked if the swelling had gone down on her leg, it had ‘debated’. And a lady in the butcher’s was ‘historical’ at the price of a joint. How she made her grandsons laugh.

Dorothy Irving, Alford, Lincs.

One-line philosophers

A ONE-LINE obituary is a death sentence.

P. Turberville, Ashover, Derbys.

EVERYTHING can be done tomorrow — even if it’s done by someone else.

D. C. Wilson, Whittlesey, Cambs.

WHEN it comes to a baker’s shop with not much left, bagels can’t be choosels.

Simon Campbell, Glasgow.