I will NOT throw in the towel

I gave one of those press conferences last night which no manager ever wants to experience.

There was some preliminary talk about our Fa Cup second-round tie against grimsby, which we lost 2-0 — the first time we’ve been beaten since we went down at home to Maidenhead on September 25.

Then the focus turned to me, my future and, as one reporter put it, whether I will be looking to walk away from Chesterfield.

The background will be familiar to those of you who’ve followed this column week by week. We arrested a run of defeats long ago but we haven’t won in the National League since august. The Fa Cup had been our release valve in many ways.

Now that’s gone and I can’t pretend I didn’t hear some chants against me as the minutes ticked down on the game last night.

That’s the fans’ prerogative. It disappoints me because I want them to buy a shirt and be proud of their team winning matches.

I feel I’ve got a personal connection with them too. I’ve ‘moved in’ with them, you might say. Not all of them feel that way.

But that singing digs into me and makes me not want to throw in the towel.

I don’t know if I’ll be given time. We see it every day on Sky Sports News, don’t we? The old yellow bar, telling you a manager is arriving or leaving.

It had all started out as an afternoon rich in promise. The noise and aggression and high spirits of an away end is something the club have missed while we’ve been playing in the fifth tier.

grimsby, with their 1,700 fans, were a reminder of where we want to be.

We backed ourselves and changed to a 4-4-2 with two wide players to give us pace to push on their back four.

I named a new captain — Jonathan Smith, who has brought a bit of everything since he joined us from Stevenage in September.

He was popping up in dangerous places in the first half, with a header and a 25-yard shot to test them.

alex Kiwomya was very lively too. There are never certainties that a 22-year- old former Chelsea Fa Youth Cup winner like him will be a big hit despite all the pedigree. But alex was lively. His cross into their six- yard box caused them problems but we couldn’t quite get a connection on it.

all that was why the goal they scrambled in from a corner just after the half-hour was such a disappointment. We gave them a free header eight yards out and there was a slip. If you do that at any level there will be trouble. I can’t deny that at times we lack the necessary quality in this team.

I changed formations in the second half and tried to push on and get that goal back. We played four up front in the last 15 minutes, which left us a bit open. Their second goal was scored on the counter-attack.

Will I be here to see this job out? I hope so but it’s not in my hands. Whether the owners are happy is their position.

When you’ve saved £21,000 a week in wages and sold last season’s top scorer for £100,000, you’re left to fight fires. I’ve been here six months and it takes time to put together a proper squad and unit.

I wasn’t the best of footballers but I just have to draw on the memory of how, when I had bad days, my dad would find me and give me a rocket. ‘ get back out there, work hard,’ he’d tell me. ‘and then the good things will come.’