Is my bossy lady really divorced?

THREE years ago, I met my girlfriend — a live-in carer for a neighbour. When he died, she got another local job and we continued seeing each other. Then she worked in hospitals and care homes. She has been renting and I’ve stayed with her.

She’s asked me to rent with her, but I’d rather buy. At 46, I still live with my parents. Lucia is my first long-term girlfriend.

We talked of a joint mortgage last year, but I had some savings tied up in a five-year bond which matured last month.

I’m now looking to buy a house in my name, and Lucia can live with me.

But she’s concerned that she will be like a ‘guest’ in my house, although I have assured her we will share jobs and she can have a say in decor etc.

She wants a rota for the household chores — which my family say is odd. She is quite bossy and they have warned me not to proceed with the house.

Lucia is Spanish and previously lived in Tunisia. She married a Tunisian man, but the marriage was not recognised in Spain because they do not want Tunisians using it as a route to Spanish citizenship.

Can you give me advice on how to check the status of the Tunisian marriage, as Lucia says she is free to marry me? Also, do you think I am making a huge mistake if I buy the house and she moves in?

I would take legal advice on drawing up a contract to protect my money should we proceed and to protect Lucia so that anything we buy jointly (or that she buys) is noted if it goes wrong.

Am I making a mistake (as everyone is telling me) or should I proceed and hopefully prove them wrong?

NO ONe can possibly know if you are making a ‘mistake’ — therefore it would be equally unwise to let the opinions of others sway your decisions or totally to ignore their views.

Surely, the way forward is somewhere between those two extremes?

Because you have lived with your parents all your life, they are bound to feel more than usually protective — but they shouldn’t try to steer you away from independence. equally, they are quite right to counsel caution in this matter. Which is exactly what I will do myself.

you ask about the Tunisian marriage. I tried a few online searches and one site I found ( offers ‘ translation and services’, including advice on marriage and divorce.

I should emphasise that I have no knowledge about the validity of any such services and am not qualified to give any sort of legal advice. you could also investigate www.gov.uk/guidance/notarialanddocumentary- servicesguide-for-tunisia and see where that leads.

Since you were intending to take legal advice about buying a house, obviously it’s even more important first to obtain proper counsel about Lucia’s marriage/divorce. This is your right.

In the meantime, it would be eminently sensible to ring-fence your money and instead rent with Lucia — as she first suggested.

As you have never actually lived with her, and her life experiences are very different from your own, it would be wise to take things very slowly and discover how compatible you are in daily life.

Clearly, you must be sensitive to her feelings at all times, but it would be wrong for you to feel somehow ‘bossed’ into an arrangement that is understandably rather daunting.

Find a pleasant flat you both like, choose cushions together, hang pictures, share chores . . . and just see how you go.