Duchess Difficult — or just defiantly different?
She’s supposedly banned Harry from a Boxing Day shoot, staff are leaving and it’s claimed courtiers were aghast when this starry picture was (briefly) online. But now Britain’s top royal writer asks . . .
AS uSual there will be plenty of seasonal cheer and along with the bonhomie, some good natured, gentle ribbing. There always is when the Queen welcomes the entire Royal Family to a pre-Christmas lunch at Buckingham Palace.
But for the first time in recent years this week’s gathering is being held against an uneasy backdrop of reported rifts and family splits. No one is more sensitive to domestic discord than the Queen, who throughout the Diana years found herself having to hold the ring amid the turmoil that raged around her.
She is determined, say courtiers, to never again allow such conflicts to destabilise family unity. and it is why aides yesterday were playing down the significance of claims that Prince Harry will miss the traditional Boxing Day shoot at Sandringham, apparently to avoid upsetting his anti-bloodsports wife Meghan.
We have been here before, of course. last year Harry also missed the pheasant shoot — but then he and Meghan were not yet married and his decision seemed loving and considerate.
Scarcely a week goes by without the Duke and Duchess of Sussex kicking over the royal traces, from announcing plans to abandon their palace home and moving to Windsor Great Park, to sending out their highly unusual Christmas card.
But then step by elegant step the former Meghan Markle is ripping up the royal rules. Nothing illustrates that more than what happened a few days ago — two royal events, two duchesses and two very different outcomes. at the Guards Chapel in Central london, a beaming Duchess of Cornwall posed for the cameras between a miniature Shetland pony and a donkey.
She was attending a carol concert to support the work of an animal welfare charity. unfussy and unglamorous — but in its simplicity the very essence of royal duty.
Then, in a different part of london, the pregnant Duchess of Sussex was being greeted by whoops, cheers, even screams, as she walked onto a spotlit stage at the Royal albert Hall to present a fashion award.
She, too, posed for a picture. and in her daring Givenchy gown, exposing one bare shoulder and cradling her baby bump with black-painted finger nails, what a picture it was. Hers was a ‘photo booth’- style image taken backstage alongside Clare Waight Keller, her wedding dress designer, and actress Rosamund Pike.
THiS picture of a radiant duchess oozed glamour and was as far removed from the down-to-earth shot of her stepmother-in-law Camilla as could be possible.
What’s more, the nature of traditional and mundane official visits by other members of the Royal Family in recent days underscores how flashy Meghan’s seem to be in comparison.
Princess anne visited the international Maritime Organisation’s Safety Committee; the Queen was hosted by a 600-yearold association of barristers; Prince andrew addressed a meeting of young entrepreneurs; and the Countess of Wessex attended the Truro Christmas Primestock and Produce Show.
Of course, the royals have always embraced the ritz and glitz of fashion — one has only to think of those countless pictures of the late Princess Diana. But what is so curious about the arty black-andwhite picture of Meghan is that no sooner was it posted on the British Fashion Council’s instagram account than it was abruptly deleted.
Some at the palace were not impressed by her posing for such an image.
‘There was something ostentatious in the way she posed holding her bump, plus she was wearing dark nail varnish that the Queen hates,’ says a source.
‘ it wouldn’t be surprising if, aware of that, the duchess herself asked for it to be taken down.’
in its place was posted a more conventional shot of the duchess addressing the gathering from the stage. Significantly it was identical to the shot posted on the official Kensington Palace Twitter feed recording the visit.
an experienced hand at Hollywood, Meghan is a complete novice at the much more complicated business of British Royal Family public relations.
Coming at a time when rumours have surfaced that all is not well between Meghan and her sister-inlaw and Kensington Palace neighbour the Duchess of Cambridge, together with reports of tensions with staff, the removal of the fashion awards picture has stoked up suggestions that these are unsettling times for the former actress.
But then no one said marrying into the Royal Family was easy.
Diana was too young; the former Sarah Ferguson too headstrong and even Kate found the transition from middle- class girl to princess tricky.
Kate, however, met the challenge by getting help.
in the early days, the worldly Camilla took her under her wing and Kate, of course, throughout, had the sensible and practical support of her family, especially her mother Carole Middleton. Kate’s introduction to full-time royal life was gradual, cautious even, and to start with mostly as a support act to Prince William.
However, Meghan has adopted a rather different approach.
This was inevitable for she is surely the most extraordinary addition ever welcomed in to the Royal Family.
She is three years older than Prince Harry, as well as being a divorcee and of mixed- race heritage whose ancestors were slaves in america’s Deep South.
She is also articulate and sophisticated — a woman, who, before meeting Harry, was a human rights activist, clean water campaigner, a women’s advocate to the united Nations and a champion for gender equality.
Before her and Harry’s wedding, she laid out her feminist credentials with confident support for the #MeToo campaign, urging women to ‘use their voice’ while promising to ‘hit the ground running’ as a
She hit the ground running but is now beginning to raise eyebrows
working royal after marrying the Queen’s grandson. The way she is going about it, though, is beginning to raise eyebrows.
It has generated headlines of ‘Duchess Difficult’. But is it simply more a case of Duchess Different?
Last week, it emerged that the Duke and Duchess’s capable and highly-respected private secretary, Samantha Cohen would be leaving after Meghan’s baby is born next spring. Australian-born Ms Cohen, 50, always insisted that she would not take the job on a permanent basis, but some insiders hoped she would stay longer. She has spent 17 years working for the Royal Household and was one of the Queen’s most trusted aides. She resigned from her previous post last year after the ousting of Sir Christopher — now Lord — Geidt, the Queen’s private secretary. It followed acrimony between courtiers at Buckingham Palace and Clarence House, where Prince Charles has his office. Ms Cohen quit out of loyalty to Geidt, but was asked by the Queen to stay on to guide Harry and teach his new duchess the royal ropes following the resignation of the Prince’s former private secretary, ex- Cavalry officer Edward Lane Fox. Intriguingly, Lord Geidt, who left his post more than a year ago, was seen visiting Kensington Palace last week. ‘If Christopher is giving them advice, they would be as well to listen and to take it,’ says a royal aide. ‘He knows that the bestloved princesses in history are the selfless ones.’ Meanwhile, Ms Cohen’s departure will do little to quell speculation that Meghan is difficult to work for.
Last month, it emerged that she sometimes sends emails to staff at 5am. Insiders say she likes to communicate using emojis in her missives.
Friends point out that she rises early because of the eight-hour time difference with California where her mother lives, making it easier to reach friends and family on the phone.
They also suggest that rising early might be connected to her pregnancy.
Inside Buckingham Palace, waspish below- stairs staff jokily refer to Meghan and Harry as ‘Monica and Chandler’ after two of the characters in the long-running American sitcom Friends.
In the series, control freak Monica is played by Courteney Cox and amiable but weak Chandler by Matthew Perry.
A typical Monica quote was: ‘Remember: if I am harsh with you, it’s only because you’re doing it wrong.’
But while the nicknames are affectionate, questions are being asked in palace circles about Meghan’s unconventional approach, making private visits and carrying out engagements under the radar.
In recent days, she watched Michelle Obama, the former U.S. First Lady, address 2,700 people at a sold- out Southbank Centre in London and then spent time with her alone later and had an unannounced meeting with academics. Then there was her surprising appearance at the British Fashion Awards.
It is possible that security concerns may be behind some of the decisions to go privately or, again, her pregnancy may be an issue.
‘not scheduling these engagements means that if she didn’t feel like going no one would be any the wiser, plus also it means she is spared the attention of the paparazzi,’ says a courtier.
Adjusting to her new life has been harder by her fractured relationship with her unconventional father, Thomas Markle, and other embittered relatives.
Her father’s latest salvo included the claim that at her first wedding to Hollywood producer Trevor Engelson, guests were provided with party bags of cannabis.
Gossiping about the use of Class B drugs at Prince Harry’s wife’s first wedding on a beach in Jamaica is hardly likely to endear him to his daughter — or to the Royal Family. Mr Markle also unnecessarily said he was dreading his first Christmas without contact from his daughter after the rift opened up before May’s wedding when he was exposed staging photographs.
‘I have been frozen out and I can’t stay silent,’ he said.
Alas, every time he speaks out the deeper the rift becomes.
It may be that her unborn baby represents the last best hope of this desperately unhappy family split being resolved.
The arrival of a new child can often spark forgiveness and re-establish bonds of affection.
As for Meghan’s relationship with Kate, her and Harry’s decision to move to Windsor from Kensington may help repair it. ‘Putting some distance between them might be just the solution,’ says a friend.
BOTH couples will be under the Queen’s roof at Sandringham for Christmas. Though Harry and Meghan will not stay long, as it is thought they intend to spend time with the duchess’s mother Doria Ragland at their rented retreat in Oxfordshire.
Ms Ragland is not due to visit Sandringham.
Should she wish to go, I understand, room will be made available for yoga-loving Doria. The Queen is determined that the lessons of the past must be learned. ‘ She simply will not allow Meghan to feel unwelcome,’ a courtier tells me. ‘Even at her great age she is putting a lot of effort in to ensure there is family harmony.’
First things first, however, and Wednesday’s palace lunch. It is the one private occasion of the year when all the royals gather en
famille and is held by the Queen because there is not enough room at Sandringham to invite the entire family.
Behind the scenes there will be some discreet clock-watching. Flunkeys will be checking to see how long the Sussexes spend at the festivities. Last year, they were among the last to arrive and the first to leave.
For her part, the Queen is very understanding and Meghan is certainly not the first young royal to make a public misjudgment.
But she would be well advised to steer more towards being Duchess Different than Duchess Difficult.