Don’t expose him out of sheer boredom

STEPH SAYS:

Wow, you have got yourself in a pickle. But it is important you are clear that no one is here to judge you. We are here to try and help you with your dilemma not to pass judgment!

The first impression I get from your letter is that you’re at crisis point, which makes me wonder what’s prompted it. I am going to hazard a guess there has been some sort of ‘event’ that’s triggered your urge to confess all.

I know Christmas is a difficult time for people in clandestine relationships. or perhaps it’s the imminent big birthday — your 60th — that’s making you re-assess your life.

are you bored? I would hate to think you would expose his family to emotional damage as a result of sheer boredom!

Whatever it is, there’s one glaring omission in your letter. Love. at no point do you mention the L-word. a quarter of a century is a long time to be with someone if there is no love there. I also find it difficult to believe you have stayed with him all these years solely because of his money. So I am going to give you the benefit of the doubt and assume you do love him, and that you have been quietly waiting and hoping he will eventually choose you.

as the ‘other woman’, you have paid a heavy price over the years, but you have held the faith because you really do have deep feelings for him.

So what to do? I would start with you. First, you must be brutally honest with yourself. You have some hard questions to ask, not least about how you intend to support yourself if you decide to leave. Perhaps you see an easier way out by fabricating a huge drama and forcing yourself to make a decision?

Subconsciously, you know that exposing the relationship and telling his wife will make you act one way or the other. Either you’ll win the battle and keep ‘ your man’, or you’ll be forced to go.

But be very clear, this is your decision to upset the entire apple cart, not his. I get the impression he is happy with the arrangement as it stands, and would assume he is in no great rush to change.

I am sure that reading this you will be frustrated I have not given you a clear answer as to what to do — or, indeed, not to do. But secretly I believe you already have the answer and are asking someone to give you permission to act.

Just remember, you are holding not only your happiness in your hands, but also the happiness of another entire family. The decision lies with you and your heart. Please choose wisely!