The dastardly Mr Deedes

Facing financial misconduct charges in Japan, deposed nissan chairman Carlos ghosn currently occupies a sparse 75 sq ft cell with no heating, complains his wife Carole. She says her hubby is only allowed to wash 2-3 times a week and subsists solely on a diet of barley and rice causing him to shed over a stone. Perhaps upon release ghosn should set up his own health clinics where out-of-shape guests mirror his ordeal. So- called ‘wellness’ devotees go barmy for this sort of thing.

Amstrad tycoon Lord Sugar admits he has nothing to say on the current Brexit impasse and sees no obvious solution. Would government ministers be willing to listen if he did? His Lordship’s pledge to quit Britain should Jeremy Corbyn become PM can’t be doing them many favours in the opinion polls.

Swedish fintech giant Klarna announces US rapper Snoop Doggy Dogg as a shareholder. Snoop (real name Calvin Cordozar Broadus Jr) has agreed to help with the firm’s marketing campaign and, for reasons i shan’t dignify with an explanation, has temporarily agreed to change his playful moniker to Smoooth Doggy Dogg. Do we think Mr Dogg might be endangering his credentials as an homme serieux?

Santander’s 11th hour ditching of UBS’s suavey investment boss Andrea Orcel as it chief executive over problems with his pay is embarrassing for soignée chairman Ana Botin. Santander’s governance is a peculiarity among European banks in that its been run by the all-powerful Botins for over a century, even though the family owns a minority stake. Following the Orcel cock-up, might investors now question this arcane set-up?

Technology firm Philips preferred to circumvent plain English in making yesterday’s announcement it was closing its factory in Suffolk, putting 430 jobs at risk. instead it issued a press release headlined: ‘Philips to advance its industrial footprint consolidation in Europe as part of its global strategy.’ insulting isn’t it? Like the time HSBC announced it was ‘demising jobs’.