I dream of living in England again

DEAR BEL,

I’M 63, writing from the U.S. — a dual UK/U.S. citizen, born in London, but moved to America aged two.

I grew up in New York and worked as a book editor. At 40, I found a similar job in London — thrilled to relocate. Life was good for 15 years.

I bought a flat, had a happy circle of friends, never found a partner. Then the company folded. I struggled to freelance.

Within a year I’d sold my flat (which I bitterly regret) and moved back to the U.S., expecting family support.

Life here hasn’t been great. I lost a full-time job two years ago and haven’t worked since. My parents are dead and my three siblings have their own lives. If it weren’t for some dear friends, none of whom live nearby, I’d be even more depressed.

I dream of moving back to England, but how to start again? I only know London. I inherited some money — not masses, but enough. Yet I’m afraid to make a move, though I’m floundering here. I’m aware life is short and getting shorter.

My work contacts in London have dried up, but I’m fairly confident I could find freelance editing again. I have cousins in England — once close — but I feel awkward contacting them, as I’ve been out of touch for years. I’m paralysed with indecision. I don’t know how to move forward. What would you do?

RUTH

Faced with a long, complex letter like today’s from Tessa, I reach yours with relief — knowing exactly what I would do in your place. This is not to minimise your problem, but to suggest some clarity. I would certainly relinquish any fantasy of starting a new life in the UK at 63, because I doubt the english grass would be any greener and it’s more likely you’d face a lonely older age here.

I often counsel courage in the face of possible change, but not in your case.

It was bad luck when the company folded, but even then, when you had many contacts, you discovered how tough freelance life can be. and I can tell you that it is worse now: think of all the arts graduates hoping for a (poorly paid) job around books.

To up sticks and shift back to London when you don’t know people any more would surely be a terrible risk. as you say (and I am all too aware myself), life is indeed short, so you must ask yourself whether you want to waste the time you have making such a risky move. I repeat: I wouldn’t.

Nevertheless, you do need a change, so I would do a number of things, in this order.

First, I would go and stay near the friend or friends you love most in the U.S. and seriously investigate moving to live near them — 63 is a good age to create a new ‘nest’ for yourself, near congenial people who will introduce you to others.

Having done that, I would also think of new things to do — like tutoring, or ( say) helping young people with special needs with reading, or some other voluntary work that might give you untold satisfaction while drawing on your proven skills.

Then I would make contact with those long-lost cousins, saying you are researching family history and would like to meet them.

I expect they’ll be delighted — and you could plan a good holiday in england, maybe with a friend, having created a fresh life in the States.