How the Brits made a twit out of Yoko

When she asked for New Age thoughts on how to make life ‘heal and shine’, Lennon’s widow didn’t count on the irreverent Twitter responses on this side of the pond ...

Yoko ono is well-known for her spiritualist approach to life. Among her many kooky sayings is: ‘There is too much focus on billionaires when this is a country of poets. Let us go back to that. What we need is spiritual energy.’

So it was no surprise at the weekend that John Lennon’s widow asked her 4.7 million Twitter followers for ‘some advice that will make our lives heal and shine’.

Clearly, the 85-year- old was looking for ideas on a high philosophical plane.

Indeed, having been raised as a Buddhist and Christian, she is said to ‘take on elements of Eastern philosophies, mysticism and astrology to form her current spirituality.’

Many of her followers offered earnest, sincere thoughts, such as ‘If you can see the solution to the problem, solve the problem’, ‘Empower women’ and ‘Stay kind’.

But there were plenty of replies, particularly from irreverent Britons, that offered prosaic, pointed or totally tongue-in-cheek suggestions. Here, CLARA STRUNCK finds the funniest . . . If you’rE a passenger of Prince Philip, always wear a seat-belt. Don’T have a few split more up The albums Beatles in them. when they still ALWAyS park near the trolley return area in a supermarket car park. TAkE your coat off indoors — or you won’t feel the benefit when you go out. A PrIngLES lid fits on a can of beans if you only need to use half a can for your fry-up . . . . . . AnD turn your tins of beans upside down when you put them in the cupboard. That way, none get stuck in the bottom when you open them. IF YOU’RE commuting from Barnsley to Sheffield, a McDonald’s coffee is 10p cheaper at Tankersley than at Meadowhall Retail Park. PuT a splash of fizzy water in your yorkshire pudding batter. PrESSIng control semi-colon enters today’s date in Excel. SuPErDrug’S own brand Ibuprofen is only 35p, compared to nurofen’s brand which is £2.29. THE little arrow next to the petrol pump logo on your car dashboard tells you which side of the vehicle the filler hatch is on. HoLD down the lock button on your car keys to automatically close any open windows. nEvEr take the A303 past Stonehenge if the sun is up. If it’s daytime, take the back road. IT won’t get better if you keep picking at it. SouP boil, soup spoil. ALWAyS check there is lavatory paper before you sit down on the loo. PEANUT butter, crispy bacon and bananas go strangely well together in sandwiches. If you add a little bit of olive oil to chopped kale, it’s easier to scrape it straight into the bin. WHEn opening a yoghurt, always point it away from yourself. A HoT teaspoon stops mosquito bites from itching. oPEn a pesky bin-liner with ease by giving the top of it a stretch. A DECEnT pair of oven gloves is worth 1,000 towels. vISITorS to London: it’s much quicker to get to the Central Line on the underground at Tottenham Court road by turning right then left at the bottom of the escalators. Ignore the signs. Also, the quickest way to change lines at green Park is to ignore all the (very circuitous) directions and head up the escalator to the ticket hall and down the relevant escalator to your chosen line. LIDS are held on jars through the operation of a vacuum — not because they are screwed on tight. Put a spoon under the lip of the lid, lift and break the seal and the lid will lift off easily. Don’T carry light-bulbs in your back pocket. nExT year, 1990 will be 30 years ago . . . A CAnAL may look narrow enough to jump across — it really isn’t. PLACE your trousers under the mattress before going to bed. It helps keep the crease. Don’T take laxatives if you have a tickly cough. ruB a spoon on your fingers under a cold running tap to get rid of the smell of garlic. A HEnry Hoover beats a Dyson any day of the week. MAkE your packed lunch before you go to bed because you won’t be bothered to in the morning — and you’ll end up eating a greggs again. CuT bread and butter into soldiers for boiled eggs using a pizza-cutter. PuT Marmite on your cheese on toast before you put it under the grill. IF YOU wait until ten minutes before Tesco closes, you can buy an entire birthday cake reduced to 50p. Don’T elect idiots. THE joy of comfortable shoes is not to be underestimated. LIDL has superb ceramic frying pans. Don’T give up on your dreams. Stay asleep. nEvEr buy cheap cling film. or, instead, use beeswax wraps. uSE hairspray to remove sticky label marks from glass jars. If your squeezy honey crystallises, put it in the microwave and it will clear again. NEVER buy an umbrella in a pound shop. Don’T plan a children’s party to last longer than two hours. Children have no sense of time and no adult wants to be there! And finally, a particularly unhelpful piece of advice to Yoko Ono’s online followers: Don’T go on Twitter.