Look out, it’s Operation MEGHAN!

Make Everyone Gush, Honour And Nurture...

At some point, perhaps when she was preparing another cosy supper at Nottingham Cottage, I like to think the moment came when meghan markle decided enough was enough.

she slammed the organic chicken into the oven, pounded the avocados with an unknown ferocity and realised that another glass of cinnamon tea wasn’t going to calm her down this time.

‘ Harry,’ she said, addressing the Prince, who was sitting in an armchair, giggling over his copy of the Beano. ‘I’m just not going to take it any more.’

‘take what, babe?’ he wondered, fearful that he was in trouble for not memorising the latest speech she had hand-crafted for him; worried that she was going to make him eat tofu mince again; scared of a world in which his headstrong wife wrote messages on bananas without checking with him first. What other fruit-based folly lay ahead of him now? Prince Harry trembled in his crested slippers.

‘tired of all this rubbish about me,’ she cried. ‘All this nonsense about my father and my sister and my tiara demands and my fight with Kate. I am going to do something about it.’

Before Harry could advise caution, she grabbed a pen and a fresh bunch of bananas then started making lists. operation meGHAN (make everyone Gush, Honour And Nurture) was underway.

Well, no. stop it. Perhaps it didn’t happen like that at all. However, if life in the glittering citadel of the sussexes increasingly looks like a crazed soap opera peopled by hysterics, then the couple have only themselves to blame.

In an article published in the American magazine People this week, five close friends of the Duchess spoke out anonymously to ‘tackle the lies’ told about her. the pals also wanted to confront what they called ‘global bullying’ and accentuated the positive in every paragraph.

What kind of person is she, pray tell? Let the egging of the pudding begin.

‘she is a diamond who is doing her duty,’ they dutifully gushed. It was her father who was at fault in their fractious relationship, not her.

SHE

had begged him to come to her wedding and then pleaded with him to stop ‘ victimising’ her in the media. Apparently every utterance of his was ‘an arrow to the heart’, and I don’t doubt it. Plus, all that stuff about tiaras and church smells and falling out with the Duke and Duchess of Cambridge? What rot, they said.

Instead, they spoke of meghan as a selfless, elegant, graceful philanthropist; a wonderful cook, friend, dog lover extraordinaire and fabulous hostess.

For good measure, she is also a spiritual being with ‘a deep sense of gratitude’ and a ‘close relationship to God’.

It is hard to imagine that they furnished these intimate details without her explicit approval and blessing — or that the Palace knew about this elaborate rebuttal of Duchess-based negativity. Indeed, perhaps courtiers were even amazed to read of their own reactions on the day when meghan gave free ice creams and sorbets to Kensington Palace staff and they all said it was ‘the best day ever’.

Well, everyone who hadn’t already resigned, that is.

on the one hand, such an astonishing PR move shows just how desperate meghan must be. Poor kid! It suggests that she didn’t really understand what marrying into the Royal Family meant.

of the fishbowl existence that awaited her and of the opinions ventured on everything from her tights (or lack of) to her nail polish. I hate to think of her, sitting in her royal palace, making gourmet treats for her dogs between doing good deeds, fretting about online trolls and the mischievous things people say about her.

one understands the need to hit back, to right a wrong, to set the record straight. that certainly works if you are an actress in dire need of some positive publicity to promote your latest film.

It is a less successful strategy when you happen to be a Duchess whose rogue actions serve only to undermine the Royal Factory and, ultimately, the Queen herself. meghan’s People feature reads like some touchy-feely Californian blog, or a campaign to elect a homecoming queen. Whatever it is or is not, it hardly befits a Windsor.

there is so much to admire about the Duchess of sussex. so much!

she is a woman who had to generate her own career, be her own chief cheerleader. throughout her acting days, she was the wind beneath her own wings, she climbed into the cannon and lit the fuse herself — all hail to her smarts and her ambition. But those days are over and meghan has to realise she is no longer the ingénue actress trying to win an audience and then bask in their endless approval.

she has married into the British Royal Family, a motley lot who have had more than their own fair share of ‘global bullying’. From the Queen on down, they have all had to negotiate the shifting sands of public opinion and personal hurts. It comes with the territory.

It is also non-negotiable. And, yes, it might be unbearable for a young woman used to applause and the adoration of her friends — but the only way forward is to bear it.

It sounds like she feels aggrieved with her welcome in the UK, but I suspect the Duchess of sussex is more adored that she believes.

HER

popularity suggests she has no need of hagiographic articles in glossy magazines. she is greeted with cheers wherever she goes, held up everywhere as an inspiration to all. It is awful that she has had to bear the cruel rantings of her bitter half-sister and the protestations of her stumbling, shambolic father. No wonder millions of us sympathise with her plight.

It’s enough to make me want to grab some fruit and send her a bananagram of my own. meghan, you are brave and you are strong. But darling, the only way to survive this narrative is to grin and bear it.

If it is a good enough strategy for the Queen, it is good enough for you, too.