He’s acting as if he’s got a mistress!

DOM SAYS:

Well, I have to say, as I started reading your letter I was expecting much worse. There’ll surely be thousands of women across the country reading this and thinking, ‘You lucky thing!’ as the general whinge is that women can’t get their retired husbands out from under their feet.

However, I do sympathise. I know if we were retired, the one thing I’d want to do would be to spend more time with Steph, so I can understand you’re hurt because that’s not happening.

Your husband is obviously concerned about how he’s going to fill his days. Making the transition to retirement can be tricky. The best way is to do it in stages — go down to three days a week, then two before finally shutting the door. If your chap went cold turkey from work, it’s perfectly reasonable he might have panicked and gone overboard with his hobby.

I have to say though, he could have picked something worse. I mean, at least he’s keeping fit and healthy.

However, cycling is expensive. First, there’s a saddle and the lycra (mmm!), not to mention the new bike. But more than that, his cycling is expensive in terms of your time together — it’s stealing it all away.

The solution though is fairly simple. Make a plan, together. Sit down and work out what you want your average week to look like. I think it’s entirely fair to suggest you have two days just for the two of you. After all, that’s what you had when he was working.

Then, you may not like this suggestion, but I think you should ask him if, on one of his ‘cycling days’ you can come too. I know he’s likely to want to be going at 90 miles an hour or whatever, but you could ask him to have one day where he’s more sedate so you can join in.

You’re feeling jealous because he’s acting like he has a new mistress, but I think you need to accept he doesn’t. It’s just a bicycle!

You do indeed have competition for his time and it might be that you have to up your game. (Ask yourself, are you looking forward to spending quality time with him, or do you just wish he was around more to do all those annoying jobs at home).

But, so long as he’s willing to share more of his time with you, so that you can stop feeling shut out, then I think you have to try to stop being so jealous.

let him go and do his own thing. It’s good to miss each other a bit. Remember, you can’t have good days together without good days apart, too.

Now, get on your bike!