Get a good lawyer and fight back

DOM SAYS:

This is a dreadfully sad tale and i’m so sorry to hear about it — my heart goes out to you. Believe me, if i had a magic wand i would wave it for you.

i’ve seen several divorces turn nasty over the years — but your situation seems particularly awful. it appears to me that your husband is a bully and a control freak who is trying to scare you into accepting the status quo. he may even take some enjoyment from your predicament.

The first thing you must do is realise that you are not alone. Now is the time to gather your clan. if as is often the case these days, your friends and family are scattered, don’t worry.

Really, all you need is one person who can act as your rock. it can be very difficult to talk about these things, so if you’ve been keeping all this a secret, now is the time to share it with your closest friend. Tell them everything — and explain that you need an ally. You deserve someone in your corner to help you through. You also need a good lawyer.

Once you have found a lawyer you trust, i’m sure you will start to feel better — the situation will still be ghastly, but you will have someone on your side and feel more in control. And that is key.

i understand that you are still living together — it must be awful, but i think you should stay put. Don’t be forced into leaving. This is your home and you have yourself and two teenagers to look after. Your husband is behaving in the most contemptible manner, but you must maintain your dignity.

At the moment he’s getting away with treating you appallingly, and it’s time for you to stand up for yourself.

in your longer letter you talk about your career in medicine — you must be a very strong woman to have excelled in such an emotionally challenging field. it’s time to dig deep and find your strength again.

You’ve been hurt very badly, but you need to try to move on from feeling so wounded — i think the best way to do that is to dwell on just how much of a cad your husband has been!

You’ve been married for 20-odd years, but think how lucky you are that you don’t have to spend the next 20 with a man who would treat you so badly! You deserve more than that!