STOP THE SLOGANS, GET US HOME

ON A recent journey from Liverpool between leaving Lime Street and arriving at Euston, a trip of little more than two hours, there were 14 announcements about security. If we saw anything that didn’t look right, we were told, text this number or tell a member of the transport police. Each announcement concluded with the same vacuous slogan. ‘See it, say it, sorted.’ Next week, on Wednesday night, West Ham play at Manchester City, while Watford visit Liverpool. For anyone leaving Manchester for London after 9.15pm, the first available route arrives at 6.31am the following morning, necessitating three changes and a journey time of nine hours and four minutes; the equivalent trip back after 8.52pm from Liverpool will require two changes, get in at 7.05am and take nine hours and 20 minutes. Now, if Virgin Trains cannot get you home from two of Britain’s biggest cities without it turning into a scene from

Doctor Zhivago, what chance do you think they have of taking on ISIS? Why does everyone have to live in a permanent state of fear anyway? Shut up about what you can sort. You can’t even sort the wifi out.