Darling, never buy boots a size too small!
... don’t leave keys in the microwave — and always have Marmite in the house. Bestselling author SOPHIE KINSELLA’s wacky, warm and wise advice to her daughter
WITH devoted readers in more than 60 countries, Sophie Kinsella is one of Britain’s bestselling novelists. Her beloved Shopaholic series became a global phenomenon and was made into a 2009 movie starring Isla Fisher. Sophie lives in Dorset with her husband Henry and five children. Here, she turns to a more personal form of writing, with a witty and loving open letter to her seven-yearold daughter Sybella, sharing the lessons she’s learned over the years.
AS I watch you grow up, heading off to school and making friends, I want to help you to become a strong, happy and fulfilled woman.
Being a writer and a mother often seem like overlapping roles. When I’m writing a book, I think: ‘What should my heroine do now? What should she aim for? What are the pitfalls?’ In the same way, I look ahead and want so badly to smooth life’s path for you.
I want good to triumph over bad, for your story to have a happy ending. But, in the real world, I can’t make that happen. All I can do is pass on the lessons I’ve learned and hope you will find them useful. So here they are . . .
Take a break
THIS lesson took me years to learn. Sometimes, you just have to think: ‘I have the flu, I need to rest.’ once, while working on a novel, I developed terrible repetitive strain injury. My hands lost all power and, for six weeks, I had to give up writing. I couldn’t bear to break off — but it was my body saying: ‘Enough.’ Ever since then, I’ve aimed for balance.
Life doesn’t have to be perfect
In Fact, it won’t be perfect. Trains will be cancelled, ovens will break and you won’t get that job you desperately wanted. That boy you like will go out with someone else. oh, and that night when you wanted to look especially good, you won’t.
But you know what? It doesn’t matter. disappointment happens to everyone. I was devastated when I wasn’t accepted — or, let’s face it, even shortlisted — for the BBC graduate scheme. I was in my final year at university and, when I received that letter of rejection, I felt as though a door had slammed shut.
But now I think, if I’d got that job, maybe I would never have written novels. Enjoy what does go right.
Don’t believe the hype
IT’S so easy to buy into other people’s boasting, whether it’s on Instagram or in the school playground. I was mesmerised by a girl I met on a music course when I was ten. She told me she was allowed to wear lipstick at weekends and smoke and drive her brother’s car. And did I realise my jumper was really uncool? I fell for it all — and instantly hated my jumper.
But people lie. And they exaggerate. (My jumper was no worse than any other hideous Eighties jumper.) And even if it’s all true, why share it in order to make someone else feel small?
Remember, you have more enjoyable things to do with your life than ‘compare and contrast’. You could be eating rhubarb crumble or hanging out with nice friends who don’t need to boast.
If at first you don’t succeed . . .
...You might just need the right equipment. I have a history with meringues. I tried to make them in my 20s and it was the biggest disaster. The eggs wouldn’t stiffen and the mixture was runny.
I put the whole scene into a book and gave it up as a bad deal. But then, five years ago, I decided: ‘I will not be beaten! I will master meringues!’ Perhaps it was my fresh resolve — or my new freestanding mixer. I whisked those wretched eggs until they didn’t dare not stiffen — and guess what? Fluffy meringues!
Surprises can backfire
IF You’RE planning to surprise your new boyfriend with a pair of beautiful, reduced price, nonreturnable Italian designer shoes, check his shoe size first.
It’s not a bargain if you don’t need it
IT’S taken me years to realise that ‘saving money’ isn’t always saving money.
My biggest mistakes include Armani trousers with an irresistible 90 per cent off. They were an unflattering shade of grey and a terrible shape for me, and each of the (two) times I wore them, I felt obliged to tell everyone they were Armani, because why else would I have bought them?
Always have a question ready
I LEARNED this one the hard way at a grand charity dinner. After his speech, the host asked the table: ‘ does anyone have a question?’ Then he caught my eye and added: ‘Sophie, do you have a question?’ There was an expectant silence.
I was mortified and mumbled: ‘Er . . . not really.’
Ever since then, I’ve always tried to have a question ready, even if it’s just: ‘ Where do you see things in ten years’ time?’ or ‘Where did you get your shoes?’
Banish wishful thinking
IT’S the source of so many problems in life. If those boots don’t feel right when you are trying them on in the shop, they
will give you blisters. If that ‘friend’ spends half her time ignoring you, she’s not a friend. If you hide your credit card bills under the bed, they will not magically pay themselves.
At difficult times, try to smile
ONE of my most embarrassing experiences happened when I was doing a television interview in Germany and my earpiece failed. There I was, listening to the presenter’s questions in German, not understanding a word, with no interpreter in my ear. live on TV.
All I could do was smile and answer what I thought might be the question. ‘Yes, I love writing!’ I said, brightly. ‘I’m very happy to be here in Germany! My favourite author is Jane Austen!’ I was dying inside.
unsurprisingly, they cut the interview short. But I do laugh about it now.
Keep your life plan flexible
EVERYONE has life goals, but keep them flexible. I wanted to work in music or TV. Then I applied to be an accountant. Then I worked as a journalist and wrote about pensions before stumbling into fiction.
Decide where your keys will live
I CONSTANTLY aspire to be the type of person who knows where they leave things. I’m actually more likely to end up looking for my keys in the fruit bowl or the microwave. However, I live in hope that you will grow up with far better habits — and then maybe teach me.
Don’t share everything
PEOPLE plaster their whole lives over the internet. Sometimes, it can be fun to share . . . but only if you want to. You don’t ever have to tell anyone about your private life. It’s yours. Which brings me to . . .
Learn to say ‘no’
You want to be helpful and you want to be a good friend, colleague and neighbour. But you cannot please everyone. People won’t be crushed if you say: ‘no, I can’t do that.’ They’ll say ‘OK’ and call someone else.
Some friends last forever . . .
. . . And some don’t. cherish the good ones.
You can always have a coffee
BY WHICH I mean: don’t be late. of course, we all have days when the train and the bus fail — but, I mean, don’t be habitually late. People who turn up saying: ‘I’m always late, ha ha!’ are really saying: ‘I don’t care about other people’s time, ha ha!’ If you’re early, just find a cafe, have a coffee, look out of the window and daydream.
Turn off your phone when on a film set
You’d think this was obvious. You would think that only a complete and utter idiot would get it wrong. In my defence, I only did this once.
on the set of confessions of A Shopaholic, Isla Fisher and Hugh dancy were filming a scene and, when a faint bleeping was heard, everybody tutted disapprovingly, including me.
I thought my phone was safely silent in my pocket.
until a production assistant came up and said: ‘Actually, that was your phone, in your bag.’ I thought I might die of shame . . .
Make space for your flamboyant gestures
I ONCE had a new shearling coat I was really proud of and, as I was leaving a restaurant, I put it on with a flourish.
unfortunately, I knocked over a pile of drinks on a neighbouring table. don’t do this.
We’ll always be there for you
I HOPE you know this instinctively, but it’s worth saying that your family will always be there for you, no matter what.
Lastly, always have Marmite in the house
THIS doesn’t need saying, really, but just to make sure.