Our secret To HaPPinESS? MarrY DoWn!
They’re highly educated middle-class women. Their other halves came from very different backgrounds and had quit school by 16. So why do they all insist the unlikely chemistry has been irresistible?
WANT to know the reason so many intelligent, eligible women find it difficult to find a man? They’re aiming too high. A study found educated women want to marry up — and there aren’t enough brainy high-earners to go around. Here, three high-flying women tell SAMANTHA BRICK how they found a very different solution... MUM SENT A SPY TO CHECK HIM OUT!
CATHARINE: Wadham College, Oxford — BA & MA in modern history. JAMES: Left school with no O-levels at 15. English language teacher Catharine higginson, 49, is married to James, 47, who runs a small-scale construction company. Catharine has three children from her first marriage: Daisy, 20, Tilly, 22 and Max, 16.
SHE SAYS: Recently I emailed my former university, Oxford, for a copy of my degree certificate. As I pressed send, out of my study window I noticed my husband, pulling up on the drive in his white van with the ladder on the roof. It always makes me smile. He’s my perfect man. My educational trajectory was pre-destined. I went from an academic all-girls’ grammar school, Tiffin, in Kingston-uponThames, to Wadham College, Oxford, where I read modern history. I spent three years dating fellow Oxford students, and when I graduated in 1991 I continued to mix with my old set. I married my first husband aged 24 in 1994. On paper we were a perfect match, with impeccable CVs.
I pursued a career in the charity sector and he worked in media, but we didn’t have much in common. We didn’t enjoy spending time together enough to sustain a marriage and divorced in 2003.
Then in my early 30s, James popped by to do some work. Everyone I’d ever dated had been bookish, and suddenly this tall, handsome man walks into my life with flecks of paint in his hair, thick shoulders from manual work and an outdoor tan. I was hooked. Even so, I didn’t think of him as romance material. How could I? On
the surface we’re worlds apart. James’s parents ran a bar in Spain. My Mum is an art historian and Dad is a solicitor. Yet James left school at 15 with no qualifications and never went back. He started working in a local photo laboratory before leaving home at 17 to travel round the world as a cruise ship photographer.
But I found myself drawn to him. I could wait forever for a ‘suitable’ man whom everyone would deem my intellectual equal, but here was a lovely man who made me laugh, who rubbed along amicably with my children, and what’s more — he seemed to adore me.
Of course all my university friends were surprised. One remarked, ‘Will he be enough for you, Catharine?’
One graduate who had known my first husband called him ‘Bob the Builder’ asking, ‘Do you really think he will be enough for you mentally?’ I gave him short shrift.
My parents are far too polite to comment on James’s educational background or to judge people on their outward persona. Mum was concerned, however. One girlfriend confessed she’d asked her to check him out for her! She reported back that we were madly in love.
James is not intimidated by my friends. Over the years he has bonded with two of my family members who are both seriously highbrow academics. We married in 2005 and live near Biarritz, southwest France, renovating properties, and are blissfully happy.
While I am happiest curled up with a Mary Wesley novel, James never reads. But I didn’t marry him to discuss literature.
We’ve been together for 15 years and I still consider him my best friend. He travelled the world at such a young age when I was still in Stepford Wife mode. I know who the lucky one is in this relationship — and it’s me.
JAMES SAYS: When we first got together, there were those who couldn’t understand what Catharine saw in me. I bring different things to our relationship. My practical stance on life complements her more ‘head in the clouds’ approach perfectly. If had my time again, I would have gone onto higher education. I have been 100 per cent behind Daisy and Tilly going to university. It will open doors for them.
NOTHING SEXIER THAN A HANDY MAN!
FIONA: BA Hons in English and history, Bath Spa University, and a PGCE from Bath University. STEVE: Left school at 16. PR consultant Fiona scott, 52, is married to steve, 53. They live in swindon. Fiona has a stepdaughter lauren, 25, and they have three children sammie, 19, georgia, 17, and David, aged 11.
FIONA SAYS: Recently I was heading out to go to a launch party for a client’s new book. At such events
the champagne flows and i’ll spend the evening rubbing shoulders with wellread individuals and TV academics. i often invite steve, but he won’t budge from the sofa.
While people might assume i’m disappointed, it couldn’t be further from the truth. i have to go for my business and my husband supports me in other ways.
on the surface it sounds like we’re a mismatch. i was the first person in my working-class family to go to university, while steve left school aged 16 and was working in Burtons clothing shop.
it was during my postgraduate year i dated a fellow student. he was from a well- off background. We’d go to the theatre and buzzed around the countryside in his red classic sports car. Another chap i dated went on to become an MP.
The relationships didn’t work because i was always mindful of how i behaved around them. i felt i couldn’t ever be ‘me’.
i met steve when i was 30 in a nightclub in swindon. he had separated from his then-wife. i was forging a career in television. he made me feel comfortable and cherished for who i am.
At last it was lovely not worrying about whether i’d say the right thing, have read the right book or earned the ‘right’ amount. Those were things steve set no store by.
That’s why on our second date i put my cards on the table and explained i needed to know what our future held. i wanted marriage, children and the whole ‘happy ever after’. in my 30s, i didn’t want to waste my time.
i’d started planning my move and didn’t want to say goodbye to a new future in the U.s. based on someone who wasn’t serious.
Mum really liked him and dad loved him from the beginning. he trusted steve because he saw a man who adored his daughter. We married four years later in 2000.
i now juggle running a successful Pr company with stints directing television programmes. steve is an engineer. he redefines what it means to be handy! it is no bother to steve to build some cupboards over the weekend. he is in his element painting and decorating or poring over the manual for a new gadget, whereas i struggle to wire a plug.
Forget the flashy car i used to be driven around in, there is nothing sexier than a handy man who can make you laugh.
i call steve ‘ spreadsheet Man’ because he loves to track our life. he has a spreadsheet calculating our bills for the past 20 years. it would never strike me to do this.
When i look at our wedding pictures i don’t see a d. h. Lawrence-loving university graduate with a former shop worker who reads diY manuals. i see a happily married couple who love one another and are best friends.
STEVE SAYS: it doesn’t bother me that Fiona is a graduate with letters after her name. i don’t even know what the letters are — BA something or other. it’s only ever referred to in a jokey way. University was something my parents could never have afforded. i’ve enjoyed helping our daughter sammie choose her degree course and will do the same for Georgia and david. Fiona keeps me on my toes and life is never dull. i love that she’s got a brain.
GREAT TO BE LOVED FOR WHO I AM
VANESA: Business degree, University of Madrid; Master in business studies; learning and teaching degree; PGCE. SAMI: Left school at 16 with no qualifications. SPANISH teacher Vanesa Domene Macia, 37, lives with her partner, cook Samiul Ali, 34. They have a 14-month-old son Aidan and live in Colchester. VANESA SAYS:
When i arrive home in the evening i walk through the front door and know to follow the delicious cooking smells emanating from the kitchen. i’ll find my husband sami tidying up after he has prepared supper from scratch. i know i am a very lucky woman. You couldn’t find a couple more different than us! i have two degrees and a Masters in business. sami left school at 16.
Throughout my 20s i was on a fast-track career trajectory as an accountant. After graduation i walked into a job where i met my first husband on my first day.
he was an engineer and we married when i was 26. We had a fantastic apartment and a great social life. We went to New York, iceland, holland, Canada. in 2008 i was made redundant. suddenly i was at home all day and depression swooped in. My ex travelled for work and i felt he wasn’t very sympathetic when he came home. Turning 30 was a wake-up call for me. i realised i wanted to spend my working days doing something that mattered. My ex couldn’t fathom my thinking and our marriage failed.
six years ago when i was 31 i moved to London to make a fresh start. i worked as a spanish tutor to pay my way through my PGCe.
it was then i met my husband sami. he’d put an ad on a website looking for like- minded single people to go travelling with. he was working as a cleaner for a company renting apartments.
i didn’t have many friends in London, so thought, ‘why not’. We travelled around europe. Needless to say we didn’t stay in smart hotels. Within three months we were dating. sami proposed five months later. My family met him with an open mind, but they did challenge me about his suitability, demanding to know how on earth he’d earn enough money to support me if i ever lost my job again.
sami won my parents over by cooking for them. he loves to take on the domestic role. Nothing is beneath him! he is happy to give the loo a good scrub, too.
SAMI SAYS: i love the fact my wife is so intelligent. i call her the woman with two brains! i enjoy taking care of her and making her happy. We are a good team. Cooking is in my blood and in future i hope to open my own restaurant.